Metal Meltdown: A Teenage Love Affair

It started in sixth grade, when I spent the summer with MTV and VH1—probably, in hindsight, the first summer I was allowed to watch these channels, or preferred them to cartoons. I was a preteen possessed. I watched the top MTV music videos every week and devoured every documentary I could on old rock stars. 

I was young enough that I still rooted for all the boy bands and teen pop idols I had grown up loving, but I also started to get excited about blink-182 and Sum 41, the two pop punk sensations of the day. In their hit song “Fat Lip,” Sum 41 rap about Iron Maiden and Judas Priest, their classic metal influences, and of course, I had to research them on my own. 

Around that same time, I caught a documentary on Ozzy Osbourne—his rag-to-riches story, the lore surrounding his dove and bat head biting, his goofy persona, and the music of early Black Sabbath, had me hooked. 

And suddenly, a whole new world opened for me. I no longer asked my dad to change the radio when he was listening to classic rock, and I inquired and researched about every new band I heard. Around the time that pop punk was popping off, and classic metal and punk were experiencing a revival, nu metal was also on the rise, and I greedily devoured all of it, spending hours in my room, sitting crouched on the floor with my headphones plugged in to my stereo so I could listen loud without disturbing everyone in my apartment building. 

Along with this musical renaissance, I was also experiencing a personal renaissance. It suddenly occurred to me that there was a school of thought in the world that embraced not caring what people thought of you. I no longer cared that I got made fun of at school for being bookish and shy. I came out of my shell and cut my hair short and spiky, despite how the popular kids mocked me for my choice, and I started to wear whatever I wanted, not just the same preppy uniform I saw a lot of my friends wearing. 

And though I was much too young to give voice to my queerness, a lot of things stuck with me: Judas Priest frontman Rob Halford’s infamous coming-out interview reclaiming the word “fag,” Twisted Sister and Kiss dressing like women, punk women with short hair, the homoerotic cowboy shirt made famous in Vivienne Westwood’s boutique—I couldn’t really explain it, but a mix of all those things just felt right to me. 

As the years went on, I learned more and more about punk and metal, as well as about my own identity. And despite the fact that the world of metal isn’t always welcoming to women and queer folks, even in 2022, I will always credit my early love affair with metal and punk as having a huge impact on the person I became today.