Marriage equality is a matter of the heart and the head

The idea of marriage being a romantic thing is actually a relatively young concept.

For centuries, marriage between a man and a woman was not based upon whether the two “lovebirds” found each other attractive, or shared things in common, like a love for the outdoors.

It was based on commerce and survival.

Marriage was a contract between two families often decided by parents — one family unit might have had cows, the other chickens — to continue to produce a lineage and — if the youngins forced into wedlock were lucky — a profit.

It really wasn’t until the 20th Century that things started to change. As the United States left its agricultural ways and became industrialized (and oddly enough the women’s movement advanced) love, not survival, became the definition of marriage.

Sure, you could argue the Bible has plenty of wonderful scriptures about love between a man and his wife. And the Ten Commandments suggest children should honor their mother and father.

But romance between men and women of the Old Testament isn’t exactly what we’d consider a modern day fairy tale (see Abraham and Hagar). And, truth be told, the big tale of commitment in the New Testament isn’t between a man and a woman, but between 12 men and Jesus.

Why do I bring all of this up?

Chris Stefanick, The Denver Archdiocese’s director of Youth, Young Adult and Campus Ministry wrote today that youth and young adults overwhelmingly support civil unions and marriage equality because they have too big of hearts and aren’t thinking critically about marriage.

He writes on the archdiocese’s website, “Young people, especially teens, have big hearts—so big that if you move their hearts they’ll forget their heads. I think that has been taken advantage of (perhaps intentionally, perhaps not) by proponents of gay marriage.”

He continues:

I don’t think young people are being encouraged to ask questions like: “What is marriage?” “Where does our definition of marriage come from?” “What does natural law have to say about this?” If that last question is irrelevant: “On what are we to base our rights and our laws?” “What is the purpose of marriage in society?” “What impact does gay marriage or civil unions have on children?” “What impact will this have on religious organizations or parents of schoolchildren that refuse to recognize gay marriage?”

Well, let me try and answer some of those questions, not as a proponent of gay marriage, but as a human being, resident of Colorado and citizen of the United States of America.

What is marriage?
Marriage in today’s age is — at the very least — a contract recognized by both the federal and state government between two people who plan to share their life together. This contract — a single sheet of paper — allows a man and a woman to share property, file taxes together, share joint custody of children (whether biological or adopted), make end of life decisions for one another, expedite residency issues if one half of the union is not a legal citizen and grants the right not to testify against one another in the court of law. Just to name a few. At its best, marriage is a testament of love. “To have and to hold, in sickness and in health.” But, we’re thinking “logically” here, so I’ll move on.

“Where does our definition of marriage come from?”
As I stated earlier, marriage, like most social constructs differs from region to region, culture to culture. And, like all constructs, evolves and changes over time. As I explained above, our definition of marriage has radically changed in the last 100 years from a tool of survival to one of shared values, common interest and the idea of growing old together.

“On what are we to base our rights and our laws?”
The Constitution of the United States is a good place to start. Please see the 14th Amendment. Moreover, the idea that all United State’s citizens are free and equal. And we have a separation of church and state of a reason.

“What impact does gay marriage or civil unions have on children?” 
According to the 2010 Census there are at least 3,690 same-sex couples with children living in Colorado. Those children are not the victims of the homosexual agenda. They are victims of intolerant and unequal laws that allow them to suffer if any number of tragedies occur. One hypothetical: what happens if Jane, a homemaker, and her biological son Tommy are left with nothing by Jane’s partner of 10 years, the breadwinner, when she leaves them for a younger woman? Hey, if it can happen in the straight community. Or worse, what happens if Jane were to lose her life to cancer or some other terminal disease and Tommy is taken away from the only other parent he has ever known because Jane’s partner was not able to legally adopt him?

The fact of the matter is, Mr. Stefanick, the reason why youth and the young adults largely support same-sex marriage is both emotional and logical.

One, they’re loving with their “big hearts.” As our culture and country have come to know gays and lesbians the more compassion (that’s a Biblical term) they have for their fellow neighbor.

Two, they’re thinking with their head. Logic is not on the side of hate. Let us look at your own Archbishop Chaput’s quote that you cite:

“The nature of marriage is a matter of common sense and long tradition, it precedes the coming of Christianity by many generations, and it is not simply a ‘religious’ issue. Marriage has long been recognized as a lifelong relationship between one man and one woman that exists for the benefit of children and the protection of women.”

Logically, if marriage is “not simply a religious issue” and was created to protect families, then it should be afforded to all families, regardless of religion.

Interestingly enough, the gay agenda has not always been about marriage equality. In fact, in its earliest days, the last thing on the big homo to-do list was get married. However, as our culture and community has matured and evolved, the notion of commitment, love and family has taken center stage.

It’s time for your community to do the same.