Love, civil unions and GOP politics

Michael Carr’s and Fred Bachhuber’s first fight wasn’t whether to have children, but how their children would be educated.

Michael, 32, wanted their children to attend private school. Fred, one-year Michael’s junior – and the more frugal of the two – thought public education would do just fine.

And while the Denver couple still hasn’t fully settled the argument, the two decided to get hitched – or should I say civilly unionized? – in January in Michael’s home state of Illinois.

There’s nothing terribly odd about Michael and Fred. In fact, quite the opposite. Browsing through their wedding album on Facebook, you almost wonder if there could be anything wrong with the handsome couple. Standing in their matching tuxes, the duo look like models. Not Abercrombie and Fitch models, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Hallmark asked the couple to borrow their image as a placeholder for a new line of frames targeted to the soon-to-be bustling gay marriage economy.

Michael is shorter, works from the couple’s Capitol Hill home and is the more talkative one. His Chicago accent is mostly hidden, but every once in awhile it comes out. He cooks and cleans. Fred is taller and has classic Mid-west charm. He’s a financial analyst for Dish Network and sits quietly next to the love of his life nodding, sipping wine.

According to Michael, Fred moans at doing a load of laundry. Fred reminds Michael how much he works.

Classical music is playing in the background as we discuss how the two met.

Six years ago, it was love at first sight, Fred says. “Well, third sight.”

Where? The Log Cabin Republican national convention.

You see, Michael was the president of the Chicago chapter. And Fred was the president of the Cleveland chapter.

Michael and Fred are legally-committed gay Republicans.

In a nutshell: the couple dated long distance for a few years. Fred moved to Chicago to get his MBA. Michael followed Fred to Colorado for Fred’s job. Fred proposed to Michael Dec. 31, 2010 on the 16th Street Mall as fireworks crackled above them, ringing in the new year. A year’s worth of “intensive planning” later, the couple was exchanging their ‘I dos’ in a traditional Southside Chicago wedding.

“I can be romantic,” Fred tells me. “I’ll do rose pedals on a hotel bed every once in a while.”

Michael blushes.

But any embarrassment quickly vanishes as Michael begins discussing politics.

“If you were to hire a really creative pollster, I think they’d be able to show most gay men lean Republican,” Michael said. “A lot of gays don’t want large, intrusive government. They don’t want to see their wages going to a bureaucracy they don’t participate in … And any relationship recognition status won’t mean anything if the government rolls out an aggressive tax plan. We won’t be able to afford our families.”

Michael continues, “It’s not just about being gay. The fact that I am gay is a minor part of who I am.” And in true Republican fashion, “I’m a tax payer, too.”

It’s not that Michael and Fred don’t want same-sex relationship recognition. In fact, the couple helped fundraise for LGBT-friendly Republican candidates and lobbied for civil union legislation in Illinois.

And now the couple is continuing the work here in Colorado.

Michael is a member of Coloradans for Freedom, a group of GOP faithful lobbying for the passage of a civil union bill here. He’s already testified once. More recently, he led the fight for a pro-civil union platform at the Denver County Republican assembly.

While the resolution didn’t garner the two-thirds majority it needed to become an official position, 56 percent of those in attendance supported the idea.

“If you believe in smaller, limited, less intrusive government and if you realize every day that passes, civil unions is either a non-issue among young, new voters – or they whole-heartedly support civil unions for same-sex couples – every day this party is against civil unions, basically against the gay community, you lose those voters, you hand those voters over to the Democratic Party, or force them to be undeclared and that makes future elections more difficult to win,” Michael said.

Are Republicans getting the message? Michael thinks so. While he’s not sure if Sen. Pat Steadman’s bill is going to pass this year, he thinks there is a better chance than last.

The couple tells me their wedding was more than a merging of two families. It was more like three: the Carrs, the Bachhubers and the gays. It was amazing, they said, to see their gay friends from across the nation mingle with their immediate family.

The guest list was 200. I asked them if they had a reception for their Denver friends. No. They’re still waiting until they’re no longer “second-class citizens.”

“We might have something, but we really haven’t figured out what that looks like,” Michael said.
Fred followed, “We’ll wait until civil unions are legal here.”