Living with bold acceptance

What types of people do you have trouble accepting? As you think about your past experiences, how you were raised, your values, morals and personal perspectives, I imagine there are certain types of people you struggle with. I am not suggesting that you need to love and accept everyone; I am suggesting a journey of the heart to reveal some of your deeply held ideas and beliefs that might be limiting you relationally.

As a child, I was raised in an area of Texas that still had a fair amount of geographic racial segregation. I lived in a very “white” area of town and had never been exposed to people of color except for the few African American or Hispanic service workers that came to my neighborhood for work. I had no black or Hispanic friends and I certainly did not understand our differences. As a result, I developed an unfounded fear of people of color. Sure, it was not a full-blown phobic fear, but on some level I didn’t understand people who were different than me, and I was afraid. I know … crazy.

We all live with some type of fear of other people that are different than us. What we don’t understand, we fear. To identify those people you most likely have a challenge accepting, think about people you don’t understand or have some fear about. By looking at our differences we limit our ability to accept and appreciate our similarities and all we see are the differences that separate us.

Take a few minutes to think about who you have trouble accepting.

• People of other races or ethnic backgrounds?
• People that dress differently than you?
• People that have a different sexual orientation?
• People living with a disability?
• People with different religious views?
• People with different political viewpoints?
• People that are older or younger?
• People that are more or less educated?

We all have certain people we have difficulty accepting. The point is, when you don’t accept differences, you limit the opportunities you have to learn and grow as a person. You also limit your scope of relationships. Think about it, how many people in your direct sphere of influence (your friends, family, work mates and social connections) are radically different from you? Do you have a straight friend if you are gay? Do you have Jewish friend if you are Catholic? You get the point.

As you think about facing your fears and seeking to know people that are different from you, I want to challenge you to accept everyone. Hold onto your own values and morals, but take that step to challenge yourself by getting to know someone different. Far too often we limit our ability to have expansive groups of friends because we don’t accept certain people. Our unwillingness to accept people that are different actually keeps us in our own comfortable box of isolation.

I also want to challenge you to evaluate your current relationships and consider areas of acceptance. Do you have a partner or spouse that does something that drives you crazy? Do you have a boss that annoys you? Do you have a neighbor that you are misaligned with? Perhaps you can take one small step toward acceptance with these people. Walk across the street and make amends. Clean the slate and expect good things from your partner or spouse. Look for the good qualities of your boss. Acceptance does your heart good and gives you the opportunity to grow as a more compassionate human being.

On a final “bold” note. It is absolutely impossible to accept someone else until you fully accept yourself. If you struggle with accepting some aspect of who you are or if you don’t like some aspect of yourself, evaluate the thoughts and feelings that undergird the belief system and change them. Frankly said, you are absolutely perfect just the way you are. When each one of us in the LGBT community begins to believe that bold statement, our communities will change and we will find the inclusion and acceptance we all deserve.