Lesbian Sex Scenes: The Good, The Bad, And The Male Gaze

Authenticity in lesbian sex scenes is diminished by the male gaze. Queer directors have given their male colleagues examples of how to show lesbian sex without exploitation—Will they take the advice?

Lesbian cinema has become much more prominent in recent years. This rise in visibility and representation helps people see the beauty of queerness and fosters a more accepting society. However, when straight men dictate lesbian narratives, it can be tricky to ensure accuracy. Even if the storyline is appropriate, lesbian sex scenes are often botched under the all-too-common male gaze in film.

Pitfalls of lesbian media often lie in the hands of male directors who shoot lesbian sex scenes based on their desires as opposed to authentic portrayals of Queer intimacy. The male gaze in film can be noticed when women are in seemingly uncomfortable positions to have sex so they may look more attractive to the viewer. They are not having sex to move forward in their relationship or even really for their interest at all. Rather, they are intimate to appease the viewer. Sex is then a voyeuristic exploration of male interest as opposed to an intimate moment.

Male fantasies in lesbian media become especially troublesome when they become cyclical. Men sexualize lesbians in real life as they face sexualization in media. Simultaneously, lesbians are sexualized in media as men see them sexually in real life. The issue of sexualization arises when men place themselves in lesbian spaces. The male gaze occurs when men dilute the accuracy of lesbian media through over-sexualization.

Several films enact the male gaze within their lesbian sex scenes. The classic example, Blue is the Warmest Color, immediately comes to mind. The 2013 film directed by Abdellatif Kechiche centers around a sapphic relationship. The two main characters have sex abnormally often, with each sex scene feeling entirely exploitative. The scenes are made for the viewer to gawk at and are not intended to show the closeness between the two women. It appears as lesbianism produced for men, which is counteractive and harmful.

Blue is the Warmest Color is an extreme case of this phenomenon, but other films, even fan-favorite films, have issues with authentic lesbian sex scenes. The Handmaiden is a very popular movie in queer spaces. I love the movie, though the sex scenes in the film are not comfortable. The ending scene of this film shows a very long sequence of the two main characters having sex in a very uncomfortable position so their bodies remain flattering to the male gaze at all times. I correctly assumed after this scene that The Handmaiden was directed by a man. There is no issue with a lesbian sex scene directed by a man when done well with the help of an intimacy coordinator or queer voice in the conversation. Though men can direct authentic lesbian sex scenes, there is a theme of films featuring accurate sex scenes being directed by women, commonly Queer women.

My favorite film perfectly shows lesbian sex scenes void of the male gaze. Portrait Of A Lady On Fire is a masterpiece for many reasons, including its sex scenes. The film is very geared towards women, as there are no major male roles. The sex scenes between the main characters neglect the desires of men to entirely encapsulate queer intimacy. The main characters are in unflattering positions with armpit hair that makes it clear they are having sex for themselves and not the audience. The dismissal of appeasing male fantasies allows for Portrait Of A Lady on Fire to feel much more intimate as their relationship is just between them. 

The recent movie Love Lies Bleeding also demonstrates good lesbian sex scenes. The film feels incredibly intimate from start to finish, including the sex scenes. The two main characters have sex in realistic ways that feel important to the narrative of their relationship. Their intimacy is significant to the plot and not randomly shown exploitatively.

The solution to unrealistic exploitative lesbian sex lies in who has a say in making them and who they are making them for. Straight men making lesbian sex scenes intended to be seen by other straight men will never be accurate. The male gaze can only be eradicated when queer people or intimacy coordinators have a say in how to produce queer sex. Lesbian sex scenes should not be exploitatively created to appease male fantasies, just as lesbians in real life do not exist for men.