Lesbian couple, one of thousands, torn apart by DOMA, immigration policy

When Coloradan Inger Knudson committed her life to Philippa, an English woman, atop Lookout Mountain in 2009, the last thing she feared was her family would be ripped apart by the United States government.

Philippa, who asked her last name not to be used out of fear of legal repercussions, packed up her life in the UK and was set to help Knudson raise her daughter in Colorado. But five days before she was to leave the UK in 2009 — information the couple had been given, information they believed would lead them to a permanent fix to their immigration troubles was wrong. After being in the US for 89 days, Philippa returned to the United Kingdom until the couple could find another path to be together.

Today, they communicate by email, Web cam and an Internet phone service. Often times, they spend more time trying to establish a workable connection then actually chatting about their day. And when they finally get a connection, there’s that seven hour time difference. Philippa has usually ended her work day – she has two jobs – and Knudson is eating lunch, studying for her new career as a massage therapist.

“This is our life,” Knudson said.

“People don’t realize, they think it’s the distance,” Phillipa echoes. “But it’s also time. I go through my morning, my day until 3 or 4 in the afternoon sometimes before we talk. We both have dual clocks on our cell phone so we know if it’s too early to call.”

Phillipa is quick to point out their immigration troubles is just a single case of discrimination by the federal government. She pointed out there are more than 1,000 rights tax-paying gay and lesbian couples are denied.

“I don’t understand any of it,” she said. “It’s outright discrimination, immigration or not. I’m (eventually) going to be moving to a country, where, for the last three years I’ve been treated like a criminal.”

What keeps them 5,000 miles apart is the national Defense of Marriage Act that defines marriage between a man and a woman at the federal level and immigration laws that haven’t been updated in five decades, said Steve Ralls, spokesman for Immigration Equality, a nonprofit helping binational couples.

“Every couple’s story is different,” Ralls said. “But what remains true is that there are no permanent options to keep their families together.”

Ralls said his organization is hoping the Uniting American Families Act will change that.

Rep. Jerrold Nadler, D-New York and Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., re-introduced the UAFA April 14.
If the bill becomes law it would allow gay and lesbian U.S. citizens to sponsor their partners, similar to spouses.

Another bill has been introduced by Rep. Mike Honda, D-Calif., that would also allow same-sex partners of foreigners to travel with them to the U.S. on work or school visas, Ralls said.

Immigration Equality is leading the lobbying effort for passage, although it hasn’t been successful in its efforts yet. The UAFA was first introduced in 2000.

Ralls said the only organization that has actively lobbied against has been the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.

Still, Ralls said he’s certain the bill isn’t being held up because it directly impacts gay and lesbian families, but because Congress is reluctant to deal with immigration reform.

“What’s going to happen first, same-sex marriage or immigration reform? Your guess is as good as mine,” he said.

Meanwhile, in Colorado, the GLBT Community Center of Colorado’s legal director Mindy Barton said her legal helpline receives only a handful of questions about immigration rights each year.

The majority of questions usually pertain to employment or family law.

There are, however, several LGBT-friendly immigration lawyers in Colorado that The Center will refer binational couples to, Barton said.

Barton said there are no state laws that would stand in the way of binational couples if the UAFA was passed. However, if only DOMA is repealed – either by Congress or the Supreme Court – Barton said a state amendment that defines marriage between a man and a woman would still need to be repealed.

“It would give the state a significant reason to repeal Amendment 43,” she said. “A process would still need to go through, but it would be an easier path.”

Knudson said she would move to England if she could. But because her daughter’s father lives in Colorado, she can’t. So, she said, it’s a matter of time before either DOMA is repealed, the UAFA is passed or her daughter is old enough.

“I met somebody I share an emotional bond with, an intellectual bond with,” Knudson said about Philippa. “We laugh, she’s a really good person. I found someone I could believe in. I’ve never felt so valued in a relationship. I’ve never felt so safe in a relationship.”

Ralls said while passage of the UAFA and any other immigration reform would be difficult with a Republican controlled House of Representatives, he’s hopeful. Each time the bill is re-introduced more and more lawmakers sign on.