The Intoxicating Power of the Kiss
I have a friend, let’s call her Jessie, who recently broke up with her boyfriend that was, for lack of a better word, a complete dickhead. Mean, non-committal, the whole shebang. My friend knew this — she knows this! — yet she was still incessantly checking her phone the last time we went to brunch, hoping that Dickhead would magically have a change of heart and come back to her with sad puppy eyes and a bottle of red wine to kiss and make up.
Jessie is an attractive girl. She could have many younger, more attractive guys (who, you know, aren’t dicks) chasing after her with one bat of the eyelashes. I pointed this out, and Jessie gave in: Yes, she knew her ex was a dick, but no, she could not get over him. This is common in relationships, but the reason she couldn’t let go was something I hadn’t heard before: Their kisses were so powerful, Jessie said, she thought she could never find another like it.
Skeptical that it wasn’t something more, I pressed Jessie. “By kissing you mean sex, right?” But no, she didn’t. Thus began my long descent into questionable Google searches to see if there were any merits to Jessie’s claim: Could a kiss be more than just a kiss?
Long story short: yes. According to scientist Sheril Kirshenbaum writing for CNN, kissing produces a natural rush thanks to electric impulses between the brain, tongue, and lips, which are among the most sensitive parts of our body. During a kiss, the brain releases chemicals like dopamine and serotonin that can make us feel euphoric and affectionate. Our bodies respond with a quickening pulse, flushed cheeks, and dilated blood vessels — some of the same symptoms associated with falling in love.
It’s not completely known why some humans kiss to show affection, but Oxford postdoctoral researcher Rafael Wlodarski told Smithsonian Magazine that it could be a combination of psychological attraction and an instinct to mate. According to research from Wlodarski, kissing may help women select this lucky mate-to-be: In a 2013 survey of both women and men, the women placed more of an emphasis on the kissing prowess of a partner when assessing them for a relationship. Even more of a kicker, in a 2014 study also from Wlodarski the ability to kiss well was found to make a partner more attractive, at least in short-term relationships like Jessie’s.
So yes, Jessie’s body may have been working against her, telling her “yes” when kissing her ex, blinding her to all the nasty behavior that came before and after. While I can’t eliminate the memory of this kiss from her brain, I can do the next best thing: kidnap her phone at the next brunch and delete all his contact info.
I’m kidding … or am I?
