HeinzeSight: Evolution of the self

There are so many parts of myself that I want to be different. I want to lose weight and change the way my body looks, but I also want to date more often and have more sex. It seems like there are things I can do to make myself more attractive to other people, but I want to feel better about myself inside as well. Sometimes I just want to start over so people can see a new me without all of the preconceived ideas and assumptions they have about me now.

Unfortunately, entering the witness relocation program to assume a new identity probably isn’t an option, and a sci-fi inspired, memory-erasing device hasn’t been developed yet. Many times, a complete makeover is an unrealistic way of looking at how to increase your chances of connecting with others. Change generally happens slowly by working to improve those things that cause us personal strife. Regardless, goals like getting in shape, increasing self-esteem, or becoming better at flirting rarely happen as fast as we want them to.

Often, when change happens quickly, it is not sustained for a long period of time. We see it most frequently in weight loss when the pounds come off after a fad diet, but come back with a vengeance when we return to our “normally scheduled” behaviors. We may also avoid having to accept that hard work, dedication, and sacrifice may be at the core of creating improved outcomes for us. Taking the easy path is not always the best route. In addition, running away from things that challenge us may be a natural response, but it doesn’t help build the confidence that can impact our situations for the better.

Our lives don’t come with a “reset” button and starting completely over isn’t often possible. Heading off to college may allow some people to feel they can shed the stigma of being the awkward geek with no friends, while moving to a new city can give someone the confidence that people won’t know their sordid past. Regardless, YOU can’t run away from YOU. The person who looks back from the mirror will always be with you.

Be careful about focusing on only making superficial changes that you think will improve how you feel internally. Unfortunately, if only surface changes are made, this new façade needs to be upheld and that can take a lot of energy and focus. Changing in these ways may keep the outside world from perceiving us as a weak and unhappy person, but we will know the truth every time we look at ourselves. This “new and improved” image may seem to look prettier or more socially acceptable, but it is most likely covering up painful, ugly, or embarrassing parts of us that cause negative effects in our lives and the choices
we make.

Although sometimes frustrating or uncomfortable, change can also be amazing and beautiful. Sometimes it progresses slowly and relatively unnoticed. Other times, it happens so quickly that we have to put on the brakes and give ourselves a chance to process what is going on. Darwin’s theory of evolution has been proven over and over, so why not apply it to our lives? Thankfully, personal evolution does not need to happen over thousands of years like it does in the animal kingdom.