HEINZESIGHT: Emotional Hoarding

Many of us are familiar with the concept of hoarding, where someone will refuse to throw particular things away. This obsession slowly takes over their lives and often puts their relationships, health, and safety in jeopardy. Even if we are not a collector of stuff, many times we hold onto old and outdated ways of thinking or things that have hurt us in the past. Although these do not take up physical space, they definitely can clutter our hearts and minds to the point where we risk getting buried alive by them. These heavy, negative aspects in our lives have the potential to crush us in the event that they get piled too high and collapse on us unexpectedly. It also effects our ability to have great relationships.

It can happen to us slowly over time and may just start with some seemingly small decisions. We may experience hurt caused by our families, friends, partners, or people who unfortunately just cross our path. Over time, the negativity builds up inside of us and can create many undesirable outcomes including becoming bitter, isolated, powerless, lonely, and unhappy. It can also lead us into volatile relationships, substance abuse, and lower self-esteem. We can get so used to feeling badly that it becomes normal for us and we may not see another way of living our lives.

This type of emotional hoarding can overwhelm, but it can also stop us from having room to adopt more effective ways of dealing with people and situations around us. It is important to take some time and recognize that although we do similar things over and over, it may not be the best method for us to become successful. We develop ways to do something based on our abilities at that time. As we progress through our lives, it is important to re-evaluate how we face challenges and see if there is a better way to handle it. We may find that we need to change our tactics or completely dismiss our old ways.

Breaking out of a rut can be difficult, but the hard work can cause extremely valuable payoffs. It is important to get rid of ideas and patterns that don’t benefit us to allow for new things to come into our life. Think of this process being like getting ready to donate a bunch of old clothes. Once you decide to go through your closet, identify those things that you have outgrown or are totally ugly and you wonder how they got there in the first place. Bag them up so you can get rid of them to make more room to fill up your closet with things that fit and make you excited to wear.

It may bring up feelings of sadness or anxiety to think about changing these long-standing behaviors even if they inevitably cause discomfort in your life. In the past, you may have felt that it was important to hold a grudge against someone or let the fear of rejection impact you so much that going out to socialize would be unimaginable. These are all patterns that we have developed in response to difficult situations or as a way to protect ourselves from perceived harm. They have become not only our normal pattern, but somewhat of a security blanket. It is understandable why someone would not want to get rid of things that we have valued in the past, but there are many things that hurt us more than they help to support or empower us.

Take the time to evaluate what is working well to progress you toward a successful future while identifying those things that are holding you back. Work on discarding outdated, unnecessary, and hurtful ways of dealing with challenges and strive to add new patterns and skills that can be beneficial in building positive relationships and healthy self-worth. This process allows us to live more enjoyable and fulfilling lives without the painful burden of our own emotional hoarding.