My story became more than a recollection that I could add to my memory box; it became an experience of the lifelong emphasis on who I am without ego. To speak of one of the most significant parts of me is to speak of the side of me that loves openly and teaches others how to love. I choose to live nobly regarding my identity. Therefore, I am courageous for my authenticity.
I always felt like I was in the middle of a tug-of-war between my culture and my sexuality. Although I am proud of my Mexican roots, I still felt ashamed because, let’s face it, it tends to be a machismo culture. And although I embrace my sexuality, I never felt like I really fit in. I think I speak for many queer people of color when I say that most LGBTQ+ spaces tend to cater to a white queer community. Perhaps this test is given to me and others like myself so we can truly center ourselves. The universe never intended for us to feel marginalized and oppressed, our patriarchal society is to blame.
Celebrating Pride as a queer person of color means honoring resistance and non-conformity in different layers. We are multi-faceted beings. We usually have to decolonize our minds first to debunk many beliefs that no longer serve us or our communities. These are usually subconscious beliefs that hauntingly follow us.
For instance, by rejecting some of these beliefs, I was able to embrace sensuality. I was taught to tune in and be in the now. Not living in the present instills fear that allows us to be anxious and individualistic—segregated.
As I started to understand the profound role of being queer, I began to see that the gift passed onto me was unity within myself: to be present and to heal the repression of existential self-expression.
My sexuality isn’t synthetic. It is an authentic human experience. When I embrace my spirituality, sexuality, and sensuality, I can think through other minds, speak from unspoken languages, and feel beyond touch. We are all able to, and we do so when we love courageously. Being one with yourself in the present moment attracts community and support.
Denouncing your sexuality would be a form of violence. And I hope my words can inspire other people on their journey of self-acceptance, and provide a deeper insight into how to decolonize beliefs from tradition. Queer or not. Featured image courtesy of Ivy Owens
