Grown-up party etiquette

My first memory of a party is the only memory I have from being three years old. I remember I wore a light blue, Swiss dot organza dress and I threw up before everyone got there. The fact that I remembered what I wore and that I threw up means I already had the makings of a socialite, even then!

Now that the holidays are behind us, parties aren’t about obligation — they’re for fun. And now that we’re grown up, they’re not about getting as drunk as we can as fast as we can, either. Parties can be helpful for social and professional networking, since the times you put business talk aside and connect is often where you make great strides in your life and career; you could meet your next boss, the love of your life or Pippa Middleton. With so much opportunity, it’s imperative to lay some ground rules.

With X years of experience under my belt, here are my Five Golden Rules for Parties:

1. RSVP. If you know you’re going, why not let the hosts know? I estimate that at least 20 percent of people attending events never offered an RSVP — then complain when the party runs run out of drinks or food.

2. If you RSVP, show up. Apparently with all of the Facebook events we’re invited to these days, it’s become the habit to respond in the affirmative even with no intention of attending. One person told me they thought doing so was helpful to the hosts, making the event look like the place to be. But it doesn’t look good on the day of the party when only 20 out of 100 expected guests show up — so at the very least, if you don’t want to “decline,” choose “maybe.”

3. Don’t take home more than one goodie bag, it’s simply bad form. Plus, you don’t need most of that crap anyway.

4. Eat before you get there. Or get there early to eat before most people show up, or just plan to go out to eat afterwards. In case you aren’t getting my point: avoid eating while you’re working at being witty and charming. If you must, though: say no to anything with onions or garlic, say no to things that look too herby (or you’ll be picking your teeth), say no to tuna.

5. Most importantly, DON’T GET DRUNK. You have a two-drink limit, or one drink per party if you have multiple parties in a single night. I don’t care how many drink tickets you got, that it’s an open bar, or how well you believe you hold your liquor. Alcohol inhibits your ability to think clearly and hold your tongue, which could prove problematic: If you’re hoping to find someone to date, your inability to hold your tongue about your ex is not sexy. If it’s about business, well, would you drink more than two during a business lunch with your boss?

These rules are the ones that will keep you out of trouble, and ensure you have fresh breath, look good in the pictures, remain in good standing at your job and stay on everyone’s invite list.

There are plenty of other rules I could have added — like don’t show up with a plus-four when it’s only supposed to be plus-one, but the above rules will serve you well through most situations if you add them to putting yourself in your host’s shoes, and using common sense.

So, start practicing your witty banter, get your favorite party frocks ready, brush up on current events other than sports (with the exception of the Olympics, Super Bowl, World Series, Wimbledon or World Cup). Then you’re ready to go.

See you there Lovelies!