Get over your embarrassment about asking for help

I was telling my wusband about a man I was on a flight with. Things don’t work the same on small jets – he accidentally pulled a panel off of the roof during the flight. It wasn’t serious, and I’m certain he wasn’t the first one to do it. It was funny.

But as I was telling the story I could feel how embarrassed this guy must have felt. I was saying that I didn’t understand why he didn’t just ask for help when he couldn’t get the overhead compartment open, but my wusband said she totally understood – he just didn’t want to be embarrassed. I said that it was illogical to not ask for help; when he broke the plane, he ended up being embarrassed anyway.

It was my mother who taught me to ask for help. I remember being cloaked in fear when I needed to ask for something. When I was about seven, my mother started telling me that  it was up to me to get help if I didn’t understand something. I remember having to speak up in order to get what I needed or wanted, and often got what I asked for.

It’s incredible when you realize that part of the reason that you are the person that you are is because of your parents. I realized that part of the reason that I am often willing to do things is because I resist the fear of embarrassment.

Embarrassment is a funny thing. The only reason we’re embarrassed is because we allow ourselves to be. No one can make us feel embarrassed. Often the reason that things in life escalate to crises is that we don’t want to be embarrassed, so don’t speak up soon enough. It’s why people won’t ask for directions. “I’ll be too embarrassed.” We do all kinds of things to avoid embarrassment and end up with even more to worry about.

What if someone knows that we don’t know where we are? What if someone knows that we don’t know the answer? Will we turn to dust? Will we spontaneously combust? No. We might blush. We might break out into a sweat. We may even wish that we got swallowed up in a hole. All that really happens is we get, momentarily, embarrassed.

The heart of embarrassment is the fear of being judged: we think someone is going to think something about us. We think that if we lack something – some knowledge or ability to do something on our own – it’s considered a weakness. It’s as ridiculous as it sounds. We feel vulnerable when we put ourselves in a position to be judged, so we judge ourselves first to avoid letting it be exposed. If we avoid exposing ourselves to the possibility of judgment, we can avoid being embarrassed. The issue with that is we also avoid getting what we need.

So, what’s the solution? The option is to not be embarrassed to ask. We have to admit that we all have “weakness” and stop worrying about how it looks. Ask yourself what’s the worst that could happen. If you can handle the worst, then take a deep breath and do it. Ask for help. Say I don’t understand. Yes, I know that can be a challenge. Risk being embarrassed – you’ll be fine.

You might ask, what if someone makes fun of me for asking? I say, so what? Why do they care that you asked for help? You can decide not to be embarrassed. If you present yourself as a person who isn’t afraid to ask, nothing new gets exposed about you when you do. You can decide that only your own opinion of you matters. You can take control of how you are going to feel.

You’ll be amazed at how empowered you feel, and how much you learn, when you don’t let fear control you.

Thanks for the lesson, Mummy!