Get a part-time job as a hustler

Dear Denver Cycle Sluts, 

Every time I meet someone new that’s nice to me, I fall head-over-heels for them. I usually end up getting hurt because most times they don’t feel as strongly for me. Do I fall in love too easy?
Signed, “Can’t Help Falling in Love.”

Marion McKuzins: YES … you do fall too fast. Quit stalking me or I’m going to get a restraining order.
Molotovia Cocktail: It’s a date Honey-Pie not a wedding. I don’t even learn their names till the third date.   You’re only going to call them ”Oh god” anyway.
Zoey Diddim: Yes you do. So strap on some kneepads, head to the baths and find a way to fall in lust.
Diane Tolickya: Yeah you do, so get a hold of yourself, Mary. My only advice is for you to seek professional help. However, be careful I hear they can be quite nice.
Sue Nami: Yes. Knock it off.
Sharon MaGoodies: I hope you’re not one of those that change your Facebook status every time you meet someone. In a relationship, single, in a relationship, single and so on. It makes others think you’re a very sad person. This could easily be two or three of my “friends” that I stalk on FB.
Sassy Squatch: I wouldn’t say easy, call it emotionally generous. Be careful of that path though, it can make you jaded. Just ask Winnie.
Winnie Bego: Does the shoe fit?

Dear Denver Cycle Sluts,
I have been dating someone for more than three months now, and things are going well … until the ex calls. The ex will ask what he is up to and he’ll say “I’m doing  … ” he never says “we” or even mentions my name. I’ve noticed it’s only when his ex calls. Anyone else calls and the word “we” is used and most of the time my name is mentioned. Am I just being overly self conscious?
Signed, “Anonymous with the Ex.”

Sue: No, you’re not. He’s being a butthole.
Sharon: Here we go again. You we-we-we queens make me crazy. Why can’t I just say “I’m” or “me,” besides it’s all about me anyway.
Zoey: Who cares about silly pronouns when you’ll be breaking up by Labor Day anyway?
Winnie: You do realize that I was around way before you were.
Diane: No, he’s still getting his man candy from the ex while you’re sleeping. Move on; find someone who respects you and has a bigger tongue to lick ya better.
Marion: You’re self conscious, Sweetheart. Besides, I only call six times a week. Don’t get your panties all bunched up.
Molotovia: I don’t think the problem lies in what your Pooh Bear calls you. The problem lies in the fact that the ex calls him. DTMF already.
Sassy: Poodle, it’s very simple. Your partner doesn’t say “we” because his ex isn’t interested in you. If you keep this BS up your partner won’t be either.

Dear Denver Cycle Sluts,
My partner and I make a great couple; the problem is he’s been more sexually active than me. Sometimes thoughts of his exes pop in my head and it makes me angry. It’s not fair to him that I’m depressed thinking about what he’s done with other guys. I know he doesn’t see them anymore. I truly love him and I want this badness to end. Is there anything I can do?
Signed, “Aunty-Depressant.”

Sassy: Try curling your whiney ass up into the fetal position and cry yourself to sleep, or you could just “grow up.”
Marion: Yes. Hire a good psychotherapist. Sounds like someone is a little needy.
Sue: Trust is a four-letter word. Oh, and stop following me. I only went to the bookstore for lube. What time’s dinner?
Sharon: My partner and I have the same issue but we’ve nicknamed a few of them to make it a fun game. For instance, there is “fat guy I made out with at the bar.” It helps him calm his issues, besides I didn’t get my name Sharon MaGoodies by being a nun.
Zoey: Get a part-time job as a hustler. He can pimp you out and give you tips. Then you will have equal experiences.
Winnie: Damn gurl, take some pills or go drinking.
Molotovia: Tell him that everything he has done with anyone in the past is what you want him to do with/to you. That should make the bad feelings go away because of all the good feelings you’ll have, silly tramp.
Diane: Invite all of his exes over for an evening of nude twister. That should keep you having better thoughts in your head.