Five Reasons to “Fail” in 2015
By Kyle Harris
ANOTHER YEAR HAS COME AND GONE, and we’ve had our fair share of advice about how to be better, hotter, fitter, smarter, richer, kinder, more creative people in 2015. Last year, we ate countless bags of jalapeno potato chips and went to the gym a whopping total of three weeks (spread out over 12 months). We set out to write a memoir; we commented on peoples’ vacation photos instead. We planned to read the entire oeuvres of Judith and Octavia Butler; instead we watched reruns of “Buffy” and talking porcupine videos.
Nonetheless, a few bold people will make the mistake of trying again. They’ll come up with their resolutions, they’ll pledge that this year they’ll have will-power they never had before, and they’ll set off on the impossible course of self-improvement only to flunk out by Valentine’s Day.
“Let’s make 2015 the year of failure, and instead of beating ourselves up, let’s embrace it.”
So screw it! Here are five reasons to fail.
If you have too many wins, you’re not setting your goals high enough
If next year’s goal is to bathe occasionally or eat a monthly vegetable, you probably will — but who cares? Easy success means you’re setting the bar too low. Lift it up a bit. Can’t reach it? Jump. You’re getting fitter jumping toward a bar set too high than touching a low-hanging object within your grasp.
Failing means you’re in touch with nature
Look at the second law of thermodynamics: When shit hits the fan, it doesn’t congeal; it splatters everywhere. When your plans go bust, don’t think you’re falling outside the natural order. Admit to yourself: This is what life’s about. The swirling chaos of failure is the only constant. Even if you spend your life achieving your resolutions, on your last day on earth, as you put on your sneakers, only to stand and have a stroke, you really don’t want your last thought to be: “Damn it, I failed to get today’s jog in!”
Failure makes for better stories
Have you ever been stuck at a party with someone with a sunny disposition whose life is going well? It’s horrible. Humans thrive on schadenfreude, taking pleasure in other people’s misery. To be the life of the party, fail hard and share it boldly. Suddenly, people will find you irresistible.
All the best people fail
Do people love Van Gogh because he was such a great painter or because nobody liked his art and he went crazy, cut off his ear, and sent it to his ex? There are a lot of great painters, but most aren’t household names. Take Jesus, for example. I truly believe it wasn’t that he went around performing miracles, feeding people, and washing feet that made him memorable; it’s that a “king” was brutally murdered by the state. Had he lived into old age, preaching on hillsides and curing leprosy, he would have been forgotten. It’s because his work was cut short that he became toast of the town.
Plan to fail, and you just might win
If you acknowledge that the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, plan to fail. Maybe if you do, you’ll stumble into victory. Eureka. Success, beauty, health, wealth, and good morals will be yours for the taking. Happy New Year, losers!
What's Your Reaction?
