Fighting Off Negativity in Life

Dear Brent,

I try to be a positive person, but sometimes it’s really hard when I feel there is so much negativity in the gay community. It doesn’t matter if it’s online or in person, there are some really mean people out there, who hurt my feelings and make me less motivated to engage people. What are some good ways to protect myself from these people so I can work on building happiness in my life?

Unfortunately, there are some extremely toxic people and rough situations that can come into our lives. Building up protections to keep negativity from impacting us can be a difficult, life-long process, but having the desire to build a positive life is probably the most essential quality to remember when faced with these. Life is full of rough trials and interactions, but they don’t have to knock us down or stop us from developing personal fulfillment.

An important thing to keep in mind is that people with healthy self-esteem usually aren’t the mean ones. When people truly feel confident about themselves and the life they have created, there is little need to act in demeaning or angry ways to others. Personal discontent can drive people to lead miserable lives or attempt to spread it to others. There are also people who have developed a misguided sense of power to cover their own unhappiness. For others, it’s not necessarily a vindictive effort directed at you personally, but these negative attitudes and behaviors can rapidly turn into deep-rooted addictive patterns where pessimism effortlessly spews from them with little conscious awareness that they are doing it. It is simply a normal state for them to be in and many feel powerless to stop this once it has been ingrained in them.

So many of us struggle with the rudeness of people online. Unfortunately, sometimes the unanimity of being online gives people the justification to act like a jackass. For these damaged, abusive individuals, thankfully there is usually a selection for blocking them from sending you messages or seeing when you’re online. These people generally wouldn’t have the balls to be that much of a jerk to your face, but from behind the keyboard they seem to have developed a sense of being invulnerable and self-important. Don’t waste your time or energy getting in a war of snippy comments. It won’t make a difference anyway, will only serve to frustrate you, and doesn’t help you maintain a positive outlook with connecting with others.

The best defense against these people is a three-pronged attack. First, you can ignore the negativity and focus on the magnificent parts of yourself and your life. The more energy you spend on being grumpy, the less you have to spend on building a successful life. Second, if you feel so inclined, you can say something and challenge their negativity. There is nothing wrong with telling someone that their attitude is bringing you down and you are going to focus on more positive aspects of your life. It may help them in the long run to identify that they have patterns that aren’t very attractive to others. The last thing is to remain focused on your desire to create an amazing life. You have the ability to hold onto important things and people around you while having the confidence to discard the trash.