Fifty Shades of Cheating

In our current world full of diversity, relationships can be constructed in a variety of ways, paired with their own unique set of rules, expectations, and understandings. For individuals involved in these relationships, the importance of defining these and the degree to which all involved participants follow through will have the most impact on how successful the relationship will be. Put simply, make the rules and follow them. Some of the most important determinations are what constitutes cheating and building trust within the relationship to help lessen the potential for jealousy, accusations, and hurt feelings.

Regardless if the relationship is monogamous or open, there are interactions with others that could be considered inappropriate. It’s massively important to sit down to figure out what these expectations will look like and communicate them with people in your relationship. This is not a conversation where only one person’s perspective matters; compromises may need to be made or the reality of irreconcilable differences may need to be addressed. Not every relationship is destined to work out and your Prince Charming may simply be a great guy who needs to be sent back into the magical forest. Be careful that everyone involved is in agreement and is as supportive as possible. Those who feel backed into a corner to sacrifice a core part of their belief system can become angry, withdrawn, or decide to say “screw it!” and do whatever they want.

Relationships have their own base philosophies. Monogamy works for many people and may utilize the belief that those who “play together, stay together.” For the non-monogamous versions, some feel that a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy works for them. I’ve even heard of a “please tell me every detail because it really turns me on to know that you’re having a sweaty, damn-good time” method of communication. Each unique situation is composed of different activities. Some are best friends, but not necessarily interested in pursuing all of the same interests. Regardless, most successful ones are forged with high levels of loyalty and respect.

Over time, relationships tend to adjust and evolve which can cause permutations from the original version. Having a more open relationship where one or more partners form sexual or emotional connections with others does not necessarily diminish the validity of the connection or cause internal problems that hurl the people toward breaking up quicker than monogamous ones. Having this type of relationship does come with some very unique challenges.

What constitutes physical or sexual cheating is a relatively straight-forward conversation to have — you just have to determine that it’s inappropriate to lick, fondle, screw, pound, or attack particular parts of other people’s bodies. Emotional cheating can prove to be one of the most vicious killers of any bond, regardless of an open or monogamous relationship. This can happen easily behind the back of a partner or in plain sight depending on how these feelings evolve. Many times, these types of emotional connections that violate relationship rules can come out of nowhere, while other times they are calculated or come out of craving something that may be lacking in the current relationship. It’s hard to tell if a friendship with someone is treading on dangerous ground unless each person is honest about their feelings and aware of what is going on internally regarding their emotions and attractions.

Regardless of what rules are created, the end goal needs to be focused on building a strong, secure, and fulfilling relationship for all people involved. Practice honesty, effective communication, and compassion when talking about these things. Relationships are much important than what happens while naked. They’re about support, love, caring. Have these conversations to ensure your relationship is full of love, passion, and fulfillment without getting wrapped up in the cheating game.