Knotty Play with Sasha: A Sex Worker’s Guide to Bondage

In the world of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism (BDSM), there is a rather common misunderstanding. Those who are well-versed in kink know the rules, but for those on the outside, many think it’s as simple as ‘anything goes.’

Don’t yuck someone else’s yum; don’t shame someone for their inner-most kinky fetish, and there will always be someone out there who is down for whatever you’re into. That’s the rhetoric we hear. However, is that fully true? The spectrum of sexual play and fantasy is vast: from light fantasy excursions like partners acting as strangers picking one another up at a bar to scenes that involve brass hardware and leather straps, anything goes in the coterie of BDSM, but not without consent.

While in certain subculture genres of fantasy, fetish, and kink, the anything-goes mentality may be true to an extent. OUT FRONT recently spoke to a sex worker who goes by the name of Sasha to get the insiders’ scoop on the do’s and don’ts of scene play, fetish exploration, and her specialty: bondage.

Considered a top-heavy switch, Sasha dove into the action sport of working in the BDSM community a few years ago after the end of a long-term relationship. Having participated in the discipline and bondage aspect for fun, she found her way to California and on the screen doing scenes in porn for paid work. Now, Sasha is back in Denver and educating herself in the intricacies that are partner play and consensual restraint.

What does it mean to be a top-heavy switch?
In BDSM, you have tops and bottoms, dominants and submissives, master and slave, and things like that. I am not involved in any serious play partner relationships with anybody, so I’m just kind of considered a top, and I don’t consider anybody to be my submissive, so I’m mostly topping a lot of the time. And then as a switch, that means I go back and forth from topping and bottoming, but I just don’t want it as much.

Are you typically the rigger (the person who practices the art of tying bondage) or the rope bottom?
That’s where the switch part comes in, and for the most part, I’m the one tying. I do have one person that I play with kind of regularly that actually ties me and I bottom for.

How did you learn all of the different knots and ties and that go into rigging?
It honestly started with reading forums and [watching] instructional videos and stuff like that on YouTube. Then I eventually got more involved with the community as a whole and started going to rope intensives and classes. Also, learning from tops that were more established in the community.

Rigging sounds like a skilled trade in a lot of ways, learning from an expert in the community, and that’s how you grow your proficiency.
Oh yeah, definitely. If you want to advance your skills, you really have to get involved in the community; it’s not something that you can just teach yourself, per se. You can start with that in the beginning for simple things, but if you want to get involved with suspensions or anything more intensive, you have to learn from somebody. Otherwise, you’re just not considered a safe player.

How do you know who is a safe player?
Any bottom who is worth their salt will ask, ‘Who did you learn from? What do you do for safety? What happens if XYZ goes wrong?’ It’s a big safety thing.

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Is that what makes BDSM different from other forms of sexual play?
Yeah, more vanilla-leaning people or people that just don’t have any experience in BDSM don’t even think twice about safety. That’s one of the biggest issues I have in playing with people outside the community, is that they just don’t care necessarily about safety or consent.

Can you talk about the role of consent in BDSM and kink?
Yeah, definitely. If you were negotiating a scene where you’re going to be using needles or something like that on somebody, consent is huge. And even for more minor things, even if you’re just doing a light impact scene or something like that; consent is pretty big because there are certain things that people just won’t like and they don’t want you to do, so it’s really important.

Do you see a lot of queer folks in the BDSM scene?
Oh, it’s a huge thing. I’d say that more often than not you run into LGBTQ people rather than just hetero people. It’s definitely a huge component of BDSM, not only in Denver but also across the states

Have you ever considered being a pro dominatrix outside of porn?
I did have the opportunity to actually start pro domming, but that just wasn’t something that I wanted to get involved with, just again for concerns about safety. Honestly, that is how a lot of people make money in the industry. Not necessarily by filming but the private sessions that they offer outside of it, but you never know who you’re dealing with unless you get them as a reference from another pro dom or somebody else that’s involved in the industry. It just struck me as being generally unsafe and not something that I would want to actively pursue.

What would you say to someone who might want to get into bondage but is a little wary?
Start by doing research; I think understanding safety and consent is probably the biggest thing. Then, getting yourself out there in the community, as intimidating and scary as it is. That’s really the best way to go about doing that.

You can try to find people online, and a lot of people go through FetLife and will look for partners on there, but it really is kind of one in 1000 that’s actually going to be worth your time, that’s going to be a safe player and somebody that you actually want to be playing with. So, really just getting into the community, as socially awkward as we might be, is really the best way to go.

How do people find the community?
I went through FetLife originally; they post events on there, and you can kind of see the different dungeons in Denver. There are also swinger events and things like that.

Would you say that the Denver scene is different from what you’ve experienced in other places?
Not necessarily; it’s just kind of a moderate scene. If you go and play in bigger cities, you get a bigger scene, and then you actually have more offshoots. They have strictly leather clubs and rope clubs and stuff like that in California, but not necessarily here. It all kind of gets a little bit more jumbled, and there you have smaller groups within the offshoot that you’re more drawn to.

What is a common misconception when it comes to BDSM and bondage play?
I think the greatest misconception, especially with the people that you get on Tinder, you know little Tinder Doms, is that somebody who’s submissive is going to be open to doing anything that you want them to do; you don’t have to negotiate or give any consideration to consent.

Like, I had somebody a few weeks ago who I completely blocked because he was like, ‘Hey let me take you out into the woods and tie you to a tree and whip you while you’re naked.’ I’m like, ‘Hey, I don’t know you. I have no idea who you are or your experience with anything like that. I’m not just going to go out into the woods with you because you’re hot.’ That’s not how this works.

It sounds like there’s a lot of conversation that has to happen before any type of play actually begins.
Oh yeah, definitely, definitely. I’ve talked to people for hours before even agreeing to doing a scene with them, and then other times, I’ve talked with people for maybe like 30 minutes and then agreed to do something, so it really just depends.

Is there anything else you want people to know about BDSM, sex work, and bondage play?
If people are interested in getting involved in BDSM, they should really carefully vet their partners and make sure that whatever they’re agreeing to is something that’s in that person’s wheelhouse; you shouldn’t ask to be waterboarded by somebody that doesn’t know how to do it. Just to be safe in general, and select your partners carefully but definitely try to get involved in the scene if that’s something that you want to do.

*Photos by Michael Emery Hecker