Facing Challenges Head-On

(You’ve got this.) 

Hey, Brent.

I have a difficult time dealing with negative people and situations in my life.  I work a somewhat stressful job at times, but it seems that when things get rough, I spiral out of control quickly. I’ve done things like calling out sick when I know there’s a likely confrontation with another staff member, and I lash out or walk away when a disagreement happens. Why do I have such a hard time facing things that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable?

It’s not unusual to avoid difficult people or situations in our lives, especially if engaging with these causes frustration, resentment, pain, anxiety, or a strong possibility of potential failure. These types of negative experiences are strong motivators not to pursue something difficult. I know this may seem like a surprising concept, but most people avoid conflict or things that make us feel bad. We work to get positive results while avoiding negative consequences. Many times this is a great strategy, but there are definitely times where challenging ourselves to face things in our lives that cause discomfort is to our benefit. This engagement can strengthen our confidence in tackling challenging situations.

When we successfully face a situation and the outcome is favorable, we’re more likely to stick our necks out again and try to solve other difficult issues. When things don’t work out in our favor, the initial impulse may be to shy away from trying to engage again, but it’s extremely important to go back and try again. Don’t give up at the first sign of failure. Regroup, figure out how your plan could be changed, and get ready to try a new and improved method. If you’re struggling with developing a better way, ask for assistance or support. You don’t have to be the only idea-generating person. Sometimes gaining outside perception can be extremely helpful to see different sides of a conflict.

Learning how to gain the confidence and initiative to face adversity is an extremely important skill to gain. If this doesn’t happen, we’re left to become slaves to difficult situations and challenging people. These will continue to maintain some type of power over you. None of us like feeling weak, angry, or stressed out when conflict happens, but dealing with it effectively is so important. Regardless if you stuff your feelings down, avoid difficulties, or become aggressive, not effectively dealing with challenges can have negative impacts on your body and your life.

Whether we choose to keep these feelings inside or they explode all over the place, how we deal with challenges often comes from our life experiences. Like most things, we learn by being trained or conditioned to act, think, feel, and speak in specific ways. That includes how we generally avoid conflict. Our expectations may have included “not rocking the boat” or wanting avoid uncomfortable situations. Take some time and think about what you’re feeling when conflict is looming overhead. Consider how you dealt with difficult situations when you were younger. Evaluate how often you had a beneficial outcome when you did engage with something that stressed you out. Think about how you may come across to others in these exchanges. I think that through some tough self-reflection, you may gain more insight into why you do what you do.