Edward Ryan, Vietnam Veteran/Firefighter, Comes Out as Gay in Obituary

Col. Edward Thomas Ryan, a veteran of the Vietnam War and retired volunteer firefighter, revealed a life-long secret in a personal note added to his obituary. After his passing on June 1 at 85 years old, Ryan revealed to the world that he was gay. While Col. Ryan’s full obituary can be read here, the note he wrote reads as follows:

“I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life. I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush. He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I’ll be buried next to Paul. I’m sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace.”

Having lived most of his life in Rensselaer, NY, Col. Ryan is survived by an expansive family and a community that remembers him as a kind, loyal, and dutiful man. Serving in Vietnam when being gay risked dishonorable discharge, Ryan kept his secret between him and his partner, Paul, for all of his life. While those close to Ryan might have had their suspicions, they respected that it was ultimately his truth to tell.

Being a closeted gay man is only one facet of who Edward Ryan was in life. In addition to being a decorated veteran and volunteer firefighter, he also founded a radio station, was a chef at a bar and lounge that provided support to veterans in the community, and was a Grand Knight, the highest status, in the Rensselaer Knights of Columbus. He dedicated his life to charity work and community service and was described by his niece’s husband and Rensselaer’s mayor, Michael Stammel, as someone who would do anything for his family, adding, “All you had to do was pick up the phone. If you needed Ed Thomas, Ed Thomas was there for you.”

Chief William Brooking of the Rensselaer City Fire Department knew Col. Ryan for most of his life and was one of the many community members to voice his support. Brooking says, “I’m not sure of the exact community from which he felt unsafe. I know our firefighters that are here today, when we show up, we’re here to help you. We’re not here to judge or characterize anybody for who they are and what they do.”

Col. Ryan’s coming out is a sweet but somber story. While it is touching that his family and community received the news with love and understanding, it makes one wish Ryan could have experienced it firsthand. Col. Ryan is an example of how far we’ve come as a society that accepts the LGBTQ+ community, but also how much further we have to go. Despite the support he would have received, despite what Pride has evolved to mean for queer people across the world, and despite it has never been more accepted to be queer than it is today, regardless of what discrimination persists, the fact remains that Ryan was still afraid. He still feared the possibility that he wouldn’t be accepted, that he would be rejected by those he cared the most about.

There are undoubtedly many more people like Ryan that either are afraid to come out, or passed without ever doing so. He wasn’t wrong or cowardly to be afraid, and hopefully his family and friends know his fear doesn’t reflect negatively on them. He was loved, no matter whom he loved.

Where ever Col. Edward Thomas Ryan is now, I hope he found Paul. Rest in peace.