Don’t Be That Guy! Top 5 no-nos for gym goers

You’ve finally made it to the Matrix gym, and are getting your sweat on when you spy them: those people. Repeat offenders of every sin in the muscle-house Bible, gallivanting through their merry workouts with no regard for others. Don’t be that guy (or girl). Below are five offending behaviors to avoid while at the gym.

Germy Gerome: This guy has just finished a grueling 30 minutes on the stair stepper, and is dripping like a July rainstorm. Finished with his workout, he heads to the sanitation wipes, only to pass them and head to the locker room. It’s called cleanliness, people. Wipe yo’ stuff, yo.

Messy Manny: Making himself right at home, Manny has spread out every article of his gym bag on the single bench in the locker room. Don’t worry, he’ll free it up … as soon as he finishes his shower, steam, grooming, and cuticle care. Selfish Susan: Searching for two of the same weights is like searching for a serious relationship on Grindr when this lass is in the house. You can locate her by the nest of random weights, jump ropes, bosu balls, and yoga mats she has created around her, spilling across half of the stretching area.

Trainer Tom: Bicep curl: “You know, your elbows should be closer to your torso.” Crunches: “You really should support your neck with those.” This guy thinks he’s everyone’s personal trainer, doling out advice whenever he spots “incorrect” form. Thanks, but no thanks. If I want someone to lecture me on my measly pushups, I’ll pay a pretty penny for that embarrassment.

Flaunting Phoebe: She came here for one thing, and it ain’t exercise. Flaunting around in her pushup bra and spandex booty shorts, she exerts herself with a few stretches here or there, but doesn’t dare to mess up her perfectly applied face with any real exercise. You’ll want to kickbox her in her downward dog, but damn
… that ass.