Doing It With the Art of Taste

Human beings are immeasurably creative. Our big brains have allowed us to move mountains and walk on the moon. Those same big brains have also allowed us unlimited perversity, both in mind and body. The world is our playground, filled with endless opportunities to heighten our sexual play, and nothing lends itself better to whetting our carnal appetites … than food. Food is always with us and has been there since we evolved to have stomachs. It nurtures us when we are blue, and helps us celebrate when we are elated. Why wouldn’t it be a source for erotic play as well?

There are several different ways we can combine food and sex. The option with which most people are familiar is seductive suckling. Your partner passionately feeds you sexy things like chocolate-covered strawberries or oysters, depending on your palette. Any food can be used, but the best ones are bite size and simple; this is not the time for a gourmet meal. Remember what you’re there to do.

One of the reasons that food play is so enjoyable is that it forces us into a state of mindfulness. We’re concentrating on the present and focusing on our senses — this is the ideal state to be in during sexual play to keep the blood flowing to the right places. Blindfolds are pleasurable, with or without being paired with food, because losing sight creates that same experience of focused, heightened senses. Another reason why food has been such a popular side dish to sex is the promise of the aphrodisiac. Allow me to save you a possible fortune and a whole lot of disappointment, there is no such thing. Foods get labeled an aphrodisiac because they either look like genitals or are made out of a creature’s genitals. You can eat Rocky Mountain oysters all day long, but it won’t increase your sexual appetite. However, placebos work wonders. If you believe licking a fig is going to make you horny, it will! So, lick away to your heart’s content in your fig-filled sanctuary of romance.

Tired of the humdrum of amorously sharing a midnight snack? Some venture even farther into this mixture of food and sex. Currently referred to as “splooshing,” the act of smearing food on yourself or your partner can be gratifying in many ways. For those who aren’t afflicted with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, getting messy can be loads of fun! Again, it encourages us to appreciate the moment and concentrate on our senses; the lotus of sexuality. One of the more popular forms of this is “cake sitting,” which is pretty self-explanatory. Before you write this off as a rarity, there are currently 490 cake-sitting videos on Pornhub alone. A word of caution: Do not insert food directly into the body, especially the vagina. Sugar in the sweet spot causes yeast infections, so please avoid! That also means whatever you may be inserting into that vagina needs to be thoroughly cleaned, and hopefully covered in a condom! Regardless of where the food is going, do be prepared for the clean-up. A tarp is handy as a protective layer and then you can add sheets and/or blankets that can be easily washed or discarded. If that’s too industrial for you, protective sheets (with rubber on the underside) are a great option. Have an extra towel or robe that you can wear if the bathroom is inconveniently far away from base camp. Finally, plan for a sexy shower afterwards, because the only thing more fun than getting dirty is rubbing each other clean. Have fun and play safe!