Dear OFM: Sexual Encounters from the Trans and Enby Community

We reached out to the trans, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming community through several social media platforms asking for the sordid details of their more explicit encounters. The responses we received ranged from sexy to sweet, from wholesome to educational. Our aim for this column is to elevate positive sexual experiences from a community which is often fetishized, sexualized, and othered. We hope that this collection of stories can inspire more members of this community to chase their sexual bliss.

“Dear OFM, my hookup story started with my friend at the time wanting to have a threesome with me at Southern Decadence. (Let me preface this next part by clarifying that we had talked about kinks and set boundaries beforehand!) We walked around NOLA for a while as he gave me gentle commands, tugging on my collar and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. There was even a point where he had people petting me on my hands and knees at a bar. We ended up walking into a Hustler where he bought me a remote-control vibrator (ugh, amazing, I know, right?) and proceeded to use it on me throughout the rest of the day. Through walking. During dinner. When I was trying to have a conversation. All. The. Time. After a whole day of teasing and edging, he and my friend brought me back to the hotel room, and that’s where more fun began. He and I bonded that day and ended up creating an emotional bond over the next couple of months as well. This guy I happened to meet by chance through a friend and had a wild hookup with has now been my boyfriend for over two years, and I couldn’t be happier. Crazy how life works, right?” 

-Jax (he/they)

“Dear OFM, I fucked this enormous college basketball player from Grindr on his living room couch while Oliver Stone’s JFK (1991) was blasting on the TV.” 

-O (they/them)

“Dear OFM, I’ve had this friend since college, but the benefits didn’t show up until years later. We began casually sleeping together before I came out of the closet. I come out of the closet as trans, and I start my hormones and have zero sex drive for about eight months before it comes roaring back completely different. My first time having a sexual encounter with my new hormones was intense and loving and lasted hours. I went home for the holidays and was able to schedule a night to stay with my FWB. We cuddled. We watched a movie. We had sex. It went that way all night. When it was finally time to sleep, they tucked me in and kissed my cheek and tried to sing me to sleep, but the whole situation was just so much gender euphoria that I started sobbing. They held me and whispered in my ear how proud they were of me and how it was OK to cry because I had so much to process. I fell asleep in their arms. That’s my one–and only–time having sex as a woman. I’ve still got some hurdles to jump (like eventually taking off my underwear), but it was a really affirming start.” 

– Dawn (she/her) 

“Dear OFM, I’ve always had a super-high libido and could definitely be described as ‘boy crazy’ in my younger years. But after starting HRT, my sex drive skyrocketed. Being single, in the era of COVID, I had to learn how to take things into my owns hands … literally. This resulted in a ton of exploration of different toys as well as porn, mostly geared towards the FtM community. Hormone therapy didn’t just affect my sex drive; it affected my anatomy as well. Testosterone will often enlarge the clitoris, forming what many refer to as a ‘T dick.’ Where I was once only able to achieve orgasm through penetration, I’m now able to climax through outside stimulation as well. Reading up on HRT beforehand, I had known that it was going to change a lot of things; one thing I didn’t realize was that it would make sex with partners and myself so much more satisfying.” 

– Anonymous (he/him)