Dear Denver, what’s your obsession with bareback sex?

Let me start this off by stating that I am self-proclaimed condom queen. There is nothing sexier than the anticipation of whats to come as a man tears open the wrapper and unravels the condom down his member. To me, that is the one of the best parts of sex, because safe sex is sexy.

This has never been a problem for me in any other city that I have lived in. Maybe, it’s because the men in Indiana are petrified of HIV. Maybe, the men in New York City are more cautious because of the sheer number of men that bombard their Grindr, Scruff, Jackd, Tindr, or Growlr profiles. Maybe, the men in Chicago take better care of their bodies. Whatever the reason, it was always easy for me to find a trick that didn’t mind taking the time to slip on a condom.

Denver is completely different. If you check the hookup apps listed above, the amount men in the area are searching to “breed” or have anonymous bareback sex is insane. And not only are they actively searching, but the minute I proclaim my love for condoms, the conversation ends. Not only is this discouraging for my sex life, but the mentality that they are invincible is the biggest turn off in the world.

This is a problem.

Let’s take you back to high school sex education class. Most of us didn’t get the gay sex talk, and had to turn to the internet or our own experiences to learn about it. But that class most likely gave you the best bit of information when it comes to sexual partners. When you have sex with someone, you are exposing yourself to every other person that he has slept with. So if a trick was posted up at the Denver Swim Club, letting anyone cumdump him, then drove to your house to let you do the same, you are exposing yourself to a number of diseases. Some of those diseases will stick with you for the rest of your life.

So, you trust that someone who has a disease would tell you? You’re wrong. Let’s talk about HIV as an example. You are most likely to get HIV from someone who doesn’t know they have it. At least 20 percent of those with HIV in the U.S. don’t know they have it. Not to mention, it’s incredibly easy to lie someone through the little yellow speech bubbles on Grindr.

But wait, you’re on PrEP? That’s great! You are taking the steps to protect yourself from a virus that nearly wiped out an entire generation of our predecessors. But what about everything else floating around in your trick’s system? I’m sure you’ll have a great hiatus from those apps when little herpes bumps pop up on the shaft of your penis.

Now, even as a condom queen I am fully aware that sex feels better without the condom. And I would never judge someone on the amount of sex they have. But, there is a time and a place to partake in bareback sex. No, it’s not in a sling at a sex party. Reserve it for someone you completely trust. And fun fact, if this person you trust is HIV+ you can still have unprotected sex with them, as long as his viral load is undetectable, according to AIDSMap.

If anything, as single men, we are allowed to be selfish. We have to put ourselves first, and not the random trick who can’t get hard wearing a condom. Respect your body, fellas.