Dating and Mating

Getting back into the dating scene after being off the market for a while can be a nightmare.

Take our friend Denise. After her high-profile CEO jerk of a husband dumped her for another woman, Denise found herself husband hunting after many years of marriage. The problem is, the dating scene had changed quite a bit from the time she said, “I do” to her high school cheatheart.

Now there was the Internet. In order to meet new men, she put herself out there on Match.com and other online dating services. It was one dud after another. The men were as dull as dirt or all they wanted was a quick hook up. Apparently the men were signing up for Snatch.com. Bless their hard-ons.

Now there were venereal diseases – some even deadly. When Denise found out her husband had been sleeping around, she went and got tested – for everything. She had complete blood work done to make sure her husband had not brought more home than just the bacon. Everything came back negative, thank the goddess.

So it was with much trepidation that she attended a New Year’s Eve party hosted by her friend’s Walter and Christie Isenberg of the Sage Hospitality empire. The last thing Denise wanted to do was spend New Year’s Eve surrounded by happy couples. Fortunately, not everyone at the party was taken. His name was Dan. Dan Queen.

Becoming a Queen should have been enough reason right there to marry Dan. Even more so when you consider Denise’s maiden name of Desmoineaux. Nobody ever knows how to pronounce it, let alone spell it. Even though she has such a French name, Denise is about as far away from France as French fries. She is a fifth generation Colorado native. Her early ancestors came to Colorado to seek their fortune in the silver mines. And they did until the U.S. government declared gold to be the standard. The price of silver plummeted and they lost it all. Mon dieu.

Denise and Dan hit it off immediately. He made her laugh. Denise had not laughed in a long time. And she has a great laugh the world needs to hear. Reason number two to marry Dan. So they went on a few dates, and Denise admits she even got a little sneak preview of the goods. Well, a big sneak preview, according to Dan. Reason number three to marry this man.

But Denise was not about to take any chances before they got their hump on. They had only been on two dates when Denise let Dan know he would need to get a blood test to make sure his bacon was not rancid. It was Tuesday, and they had a date that coming weekend – and Dan was horny as hell. He went down to the clinic and had his tests done that very same day. On Wednesday, he presented his negative results in a lovely Hallmark greeting card. I had no idea Hallmark had such modern card topics. “Roses are red, violets are blue. My dick is clean, so can I screw you?”

Denise and Dan have been happily married for two years now. She had to kiss a few frogs but ended up a Queen in the end.

We all have our dating challenges like Denise. But none more so than Abdullah. I recently met him at a pool party with his new boyfriend Ian. Abdullah’s challenge was not dating itself, but getting to a place where it was even possible. Iraq is where Abdullah is from. Bagdad to be exact – considered one of the most dangerous places for GLBT people to live. Being gay is not only considered to be taboo, but results in discrimination, abuse, “honor” killings and murder.

Abdullah could see the Arabic writing on the wall. In order to not become another statistic, he came over here to study and immediately declared asylum. It was granted, and he is now two years into his three-year journey to become a U.S. citizen. Being gay is such a stigma, his family still does not know. He has told them he received an extended study visa to be here longer. They have no idea their son is not coming back. Abdullah, I am glad you are here and not dead. Bless your big heart.