Dark Comedy for Dark Times: The 12 Days of Quarantine
Facing horrific tragedy, humans have a unique ability to rally with generosity, compassion, humor—and Christmas decorations.
Dour daily headlines of rampant death and contagion made many feel powerless. Forced to self-isolate, neighbors across the country began decorating their yards with holiday lights and figures. As tulips, daffodils and irises sprouted, so did Santa Claus, Rudolph and Frosty. Combating a dark reality, thousands of colorful twinkle lights illumined a respite of joy and cheer.
In that spirit of bringing a smile, however brief and ridiculous, I offer you The 12 Days of Quarantine, sung with a little tweaking to that holiday favorite, The 12 Days of Christmas.
On the first day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
A barrel of single malt scotch
On the second day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
On the third day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Three hair dyes
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
On the fourth day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Four pounds a-baking chocolate
Three hair dyes
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
On the fifth day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Five new liberal Supreme Court Justices
Four pounds a-baking chocolate
Three hair dyes
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
On the sixth day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Six jugs a-Purell
Five new liberal Supreme Court Justices
Four pounds a-baking chocolate
Three hair dyes
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
On the seventh day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Seven packs a-Clorox wipes
Six jugs a-Purell
Five new liberal Supreme Court Justices
Four pounds a-baking chocolate
Three hair dyes
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
On the eighth day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Eight bags a-rubber gloves
Seven packs a-Clorox wipes
Six jugs a-Purell
Five new liberal Supreme Court Justices
Four pounds a-baking chocolate
Three hair dyes
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
On the ninth day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Nine bins a-Charmin
Eight bags a-rubber gloves
Seven packs a-Clorox wipes
Six jugs of Purell
Five new liberal Supreme Court Justices
Four pounds a-baking chocolate
Three hair dyes
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
On the tenth day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Ten boxes a-ramen
Nine bins a-Charmin
Eight bags a-rubber gloves
Seven packs a-Clorox wipes
Six jugs a-Purell
Five new liberal Supreme Court Justices
Four pounds a-baking chocolate
Three hair dyes
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
On the eleventh day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Eleven gross a-face masks
Ten boxes a-ramen
Nine bins a-Charmin
Eight bags a-rubber gloves
Seven packs a-Clorox wipes
Six jugs a-Purell
Five new liberal Supreme Court Justices
Four pounds baking chocolate
Three hair dyes
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
On the twelfth day of quarantine
My true love sent to me
Twelve thousand ventilators
Eleven gross a-face masks
Ten boxes a-ramen
Nine bins a-Charmin
Eight bags a-rubber gloves
Seven sacks a-Clorox wipes
Six jugs a-Purell
Five new liberal Supreme Court Justices
Four pounds a-baking chocolate
Three hair dyes
Two kilos a-pot
And a barrel of single malt scotch
May the spirit of Christmas be with us year round, and now more than ever.
What's Your Reaction?
