Cycle Sluts: ‘Pretend they’re bubble wrap’

Dear Cycle Sluts,

My boyfriend and I went shopping for underwear. He bought a really sexy thong, but when he modeled it for me at home I noticed that he has pimples on his ass. What should I do?

Signed, “Thong so wrong”

Sassy Squatch: If you haven’t noticed his nasty ass whiteheads before now then you’re obviously the “catcher” in this couple! Stop worrying about his bottom, Bottom!

Zoey Diddim: Tell him you love him, and then buy him a spa package to take care of his b-acne and pop the pimps on his posterior!

Juana Mann: Just pretend they’re bubble wrap and go for it! Have fun!

Bea Dazzle: Squeeze and pop, squeeze and pop, squeeze and pop!

Molotovia Cocktail: You call him your boyfriend and yet you just now notice the pimply ass?

Rolonda Flor: Just suck on it till it tastes salty! I’m talking about the thong, not the pimples.

Latexa D’vynal: Use a paddle as foreplay to pop those suckers!