Cycle Sluts: ‘If he’s used to 10 inches then, yes it’s cheating!’

Dear Cycle Sluts,
My boyfriend and I have been together for three months. Last week I can home early one night and heard moaning from the bed room. I found him riding a 10 inch dildo while on Skype! I think it’s cheating but he doesn’t! What should I do?
Signed, “Un-easy Rider”

Winnie Bego: Not a damn thing you turd! He was Skyping with me.
Sassy Squatch: Sweetie, that wasn’t Skype it was a web cast. And for your information it’s not cheating if it’s your job; just ask Freeda next time you see her on Colfax.
Zoey Diddim: It’s only cheating if he meets up with someone. Was it YOUR 10 incher? If not then quit your whining.
Juana Mann: If he’s used to 10 inches then, yes it’s cheating! Dump him. I’ll console you, Hon.
Diane Tolickya: Tell him to make room, whip out the double-sided dildo and join in on the fun!
Molotovia Cocktail: I don’t think it’s cheating and that shouldn’t be your worry. You should be worried about falling into that hole. It’s like tossing a hotdog down a hallway.
Bea Dazzle: I think it’s better to know about the size issues up front (or behind for him). Next time you get on Skype, invite us Gurls over, I’ll bring Crisco and extra batteries.
Rolonda Flor: Grab a traffic cone and join him for a double feature, almost as good as a donkey show.
Eden Cox: That was your boyfriend? I was impressed when he grabbed that corndog but tell him to lay off the animal acts.
Freeda Fondle: Don’t get mad because your man was Skyping with me! And did he really take all 10 inches? Sluts what to know!

Dear Cycle Sluts,
I met this hot girl last fall at the car show. We hooked up once or twice and then she showed up with her U-Haul. Now, we’re living together I’m realizing she knows nothing about tools. She doesn’t even know the difference between a phillips and a flathead! Is this a deal breaker?
Signed, “Ms. Manic Mechanic”

Zoey: The only tool she needs to know about is how to change the batteries.
Molotovia: Isn’t Phillips half of that singing group that was big in the ’80s? What’s so hard about that?
Juana: OK, this was about seeing Philip’s hot tool in a car right?
Sassy: Of course it’s not a deal breaker, Silly! I’m sure that she knows her way around a Snap-On; that’s the only tool that matters.
Winnie: You licked her, you keep her!
Eden: The only screwdriver she needs to worry about is the kind involving vodka.
Diane: One butch should be plenty. Don’t judge because I couldn’t tell you the difference either.
Rolonda: I’m just a delicate flower. Ask Zoey, she’s more experienced with big tools!
Freeda: Sorry Honey, you lost me at car show, and you totally lost me at phillips and flathead
Bea: Sister Girl! I’m still shocked to hear from lesbians that had a second date before moving in together.

Dear Cycle Sluts,
I’m thinking about getting a pet. What animal would you suggest for a young, hot gay boi?
Signed, “Ready For Commitment”

Bea: Let’s say another hot gay boi and a video camera. You have my email address, sharing is caring.
Eden: Think about a cocker spaniel. I own one and would love to get together and let our cockers romp with each other.
Winnie: What in the hell does young and hot have to do with getting a pet?
Freeda: Winnie can be your pet! She likes hot young gay boys. She doesn’t eat much, just a Tic-Tac now and then.
Juana: How about a big furry bear? Great to cuddle with and keep you warm in the winter. Call me.
Molotovia: I’ve always liked bears and otters. Although every once in a while a PIG can be fun.
Zoey: Every young hot boi needs a pet hag. Get one that’s not too demanding of your time or attention. You have people to do and places to be seen.
Diane: Just stay away from gerbils!
Rolonda: Back in Tijuana donkeys were a girl’s best friend.
Sassy: I’ve got a spitting trouser anaconda you can borrow from time to time!

On the Web at http://denvercyclesluts.net. Keep questions coming to AskASlut@gmail.com!