Cycle Sluts: 1-800-rent-a-ho – it’s easy, but not cheap!

Dear Cycle Sluts,
I recently injured myself and have doctor’s orders to stay off my feet the next several weeks. I’m so bored already! Do you have any suggestions of what I can do to keep from going crazy?
Signed, “Bedridden Betty”

Juana Mann: Oh my, yes. For days of fun, you first need lots of lube, rope, feathers and a checker board; then call me. Oh and pizza. A gurl gets hungry you know.

Winnie Bego: Oh, Sweetie! I’m sure the bath house is looking for an easy bottom.

Diane Tolickya: Call 1-800-Rent-a-Ho. They’re not cheap, but they are easy.

Freeda Fondle: Work Colfax and make me some money.

Molotovia Cocktail: Just do more of what got you injured. Only STRETCH this time.

Sassy Squatch: If you weren’t trying to vacuum the house while breaking in your new eight-inch platforms you wouldn’t be in this situation!

Bea Dazzle: You know there’s a lot of things you can do on your knees – that’s experience talking.

Rolonda Flor: Leave your door unlocked and be naked and lubed up. I’ll be right over!

Eden Cox: You poor thing! I have the complete series of Family Ties. Once you’re done watching it, you’ll just want to shoot yourself. Problem solved!

Zoey Diddim: Play bedroom football. Have a friend pick up various sizes of dildos and work from tight end to wide receiver.

Dear Cycle Sluts,
Why is everyone so concerned about titles in the community? It’s like the folks who have them think they are better than those of us who don’t! Does it really matter what
title you have?
Signed, “No Sash Stash”

Juana: Honey, the only title I am interested in someone having is Mr. Juana Mann. Care to apply?

Winnie: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ICE CREAM!

Eden: Of course they do. Titles mean power over others. Now go away! I’m getting a facial from one of my underlings.

Diane: Some need titles because they’re insecure and bitter people. It helps make them temporarily feel better about themselves.

Rolonda: Titles don’t matter when you’re grunting in the dark.

Freeda: Girl, I have SO many titles. You want one?

Bea: I would answer that, but I didn’t see the curtsy. BTW, you address me as the Duchess of the Dark Denizens.

Sassy: There are those who get titles for doing things and those who do things to get titles. It’s usually very easy to tell the difference!

Dear Cycle Sluts,
At every gay club there are always large groups of people who stand right in the doorways to talk to friends! The rest of the bar can be empty and they still have to block
the doors! Who the f*ck are these people and why do
they do this?
Signed, “Miss-ing Manners”

Juana: They are the smart and sexy ones. They wait there to get to all the hot men before anyone else can. Oops. Did I block you when you were coming in?

Zoey: They are the guys into S and M: Stand and Model. It is the only way they can be sure of being seen by everyone else.

Freeda: Because we see your ass coming and want to make sure we can make a run for it.

Winnie: Shhh! Those are the loosie-goosie bottoms and they have bad gas.

Diane: They’re the only 11 tops that Denver has, so be nice to them or they won’t bother taking you home.

Molotovia: These are the hangars-on who try to grab all of the attention before anyone else can. Kick em in the shin and push your way in to see ME. I’m usually found in the second stall from the left.

Bea: Sweetie-Doll. If every club has a problem, then the common denominator is you!

Eden: Tell Juana to just move out of your way.

Sassy: You don’t have to be rude about it. At least I looked at you when you said “excuse me!” Just kidding! Those door hogs annoy me too!