Current Relationship Status with Drugs and Alcohol: It’s Complicated

I’ve had some complicated relationships in my time, but none so sordid as my affair with drugs and alcohol. That doesn’t mean it’s all bad, by any means … just complicated. 

First let me start by acknowledging that drug and alcohol use looks different for everyone. We are not here to shame anyone, and if you’re sober, whatever that means to you, we are so happy for you. For me, drugs and alcohol came into my life at too young of an age. It’s a tale as old as time—small town, depressed millennial, experimentation ensues.

Because of that, I surely did some irreparable damage to my brain and body. I also used alcohol and drugs to cope with tough emotions and situations. This ended in drunken screaming matches and bad trips. I abused psychedelics in high school and early college and alcohol in college and my initial years after college. I also abused alcohol when I started at OFM and drinking and partying was a big part of the office culture. 

But despite all that, some good came from my experimentations as well. Because I am who I am, I got really curious about cannabis, why the war on drugs demonized it, and how it helps people. As a kid who grew up in D.A.R.E., I had been taught a lot of things that weren’t adding up with my real-world experience, and I wanted answers. I read up on the racism behind the war on drugs and what cannabis can do for things like pain and cancer. My first cannabis graphic tee in high school wasn’t funny or irreverent—It was a pot leaf in front of a red cross with the medicinal uses of cannabis listed around it. And I learned a lot about psychedelics, their uses in different cultures, and the role they played in “radicalizing” the use of the 1960s into caring about civil rights. 

I even studied alcohol—I used to be a chef, and considered being a bartender for a while, since I also worked as a barista. When I began working at OFM, I couldn’t wait to experience all things drag and queer joy. I just immersed myself a bit too hard in the drinking culture. 

These days I am … Let’s call it Colorado sober. I have been on a year-long break from alcohol, and I use cannabis and mushrooms in small doses. I don’t “party” much because so often when I’m out, I’m playing a show or helping run an event. I usually microdose mushrooms to help with mental health or indulge in edibles after a long day before bed, staying largely sober throughout the day. 

This is new for me. It’s weird and uncomfortable sometimes when I’m used to being a bit more hardcore about substances. At one point, I got Hunter S. Thompson tattooed on my body and vowed to be a wacky, intoxicated journalist forever. Then I turned 30 and got sick of hangovers and bad choices, and realized HST constantly pulling guns on everyone, including his wives, really isn’t that cool. 

Ultimately, I’m not sober, but my relationship with drugs and alcohol is drastically different than it was in my teens and 20s and that feels very good and healthy and grounding for me. To some, my level of drug use might still seem extreme, since I use cannabis almost daily. To others, the fact that I haven’t had alcohol for over half a year and haven’t done hard drugs for years is a reality they can’t fathom. 

Whatever your relationship with drugs needs to be—including complete and total abstinence from all substances—You are valid. I hate the term “voluntarily sober,” as we’re all voluntary participants in our life making healthy choices when we choose sobriety. But if we do use drugs, just like if we do sex work or drag, or anything else society tries to demonize and judge, we are still beautiful, valid members of the community who deserve all the love and protection. If we relapse after decades of sobriety, or choose sobriety after decades of abuse, we are beautiful, imperfect humans that deserve empathy. 

Read what serves you in this issue, and leave the rest. And if this issue isn’t for you at all, we get that too. If this does resonate with you, follow along, because we can plan to stay immersed in the world of psychedelics and their possibilities. Beyond recreational use, there is a world of therapy and research to be discovered, much of which could benefit the queer community as we continue to grow and heal.