Coming out – a family’s journey to Pride

After sitting with skeletons in my closet for many years, it was finally time to “clean house” – closet included. I began to address and clear out cobwebs of hurt and anger and in the middle – like an elephant in the room – there sat a large pile.

It had to be addressed: Coming out to my children.

I called for one of my infamous family meetings, which occurred daily, so it wasn’t a surprise to them. I told my kids how much I love them, then dropped the bomb. Mommy is gay.

After a few gasps, silence. My mind raced with ways to get out of the awkward pause. Instead of running, I opened the floor so they could ask questions and respond however they felt.

My oldest son’s response, “I don’t care, mom.  I love you no matter who you date or who you are. You are my mom.”

My oldest daughter looked a bit disappointed and initially didn’t say anything. After sitting with her feelings a while, she was able to express herself. My youngest son and youngest daughter were full of questions. They took turns asking, barely allowing me to take a breath between answers. So what does that mean? What about dad? Does that mean that you like men and women? I answered every question honestly and openly.

Then my middle son dropped the bomb. “Isn’t it a sin for two women to lie on the mattress together?” he asked.

Silence again. An uneasy feeling came over me and I’m sure it reflected in my face. The room went silent again and you could feel the elephant was back in the room.

After hours of conversation it was time for bed. It was not the end of the conversation, but just the beginning.

It was during our conversation that I realized coming out to my children was a two way street, as they needed to “come out” as well. They needed to process their feelings just as I had the opportunity to process mine.

I can see my children growing right before my eyes. They now speak on behalf of those who are being bullied. They have joined the Gay and Straight Alliance in their schools. They share stories of sadness and of inspiration as they bear witness to the hardships that children and teens go through because they are identified as “different” or “something is wrong with them.” They are now a voice for many.

Coming out is never an easy task, but once you realize that you and your children count too it will make the task worth embracing. Coming out to your children is not a journey that you should embark alone, but with wise counsel and direction, love for yourself and for them, it is something to consider.

Whether you are coming out to your children that were born into a same-sex relationship or if they have seen you with both men and women, open communication and active listening will create a bond that can never be broken and a level of respect that will only increase with time. Self respect that will not be shaken by words from others who don’t love themselves and a voice to many who walk in fear day in and day out, but long for equality.

Be true to yourself, and yourself will be true to you.