Clueless About Cannabis: A First-Timer’s Guide to Getting High

As I walked up to Boulder Botanicals, I was incredibly nervous and somewhat embarrassed. I felt my mother’s disapproval of me going to a dispensary. I was unconfident, even though I had a sorority sister at my side. I felt out of place, and Boulder Botanicals didn’t look or smell like any store I’ve ever been to.

I’m freshly 21 years old, and brand freakin’ new to pot. I’m still stuck with the flashbacks of TV shows on Disney Channel, showing cannabis as this ominous green substance awkwardly offered to some straight-edge kid in an effort to say drugs are bad. I’m looking at you, Raven Symone.

But, with legalization and a dissolving negative stigma, cannabis is all the rage. And I wanted to experience it, just not alone. But, let’s get back to Boulder Botanicals.

First off, there was a ton of security. A big man checked my ID at least three times, which somehow made my palms sweat, even though it’s my valid driver’s license. I still felt like I was doing something wrong. I mostly kept my head down, bashfully entering the room with the product to be greeted by more people whom I felt could sense my inexperience.

My friend quickly began browsing the store like a professional, closely examining and smelling whichever jar grabbed her attention. Honestly, it all looked the same to me, so I ditched her and started chatting with the first available employee, Patrick Price.

I struck up conversation by sheepishly asking if I could buy some weed. I was met with a variety of questions about strains and effects, to which I replied in a confused silence. I could feel my eyes gloss over in confusion. I was greeted with a mini-lesson on pot.

Price explained cannabis as, “A subjective experience that varies from person to person. However, there are a few generalizations we can make. Indica and Sativa categorize the effects of how different strains make you feel. We think of the genetic heritage of each strain belonging to each group. It is all a spectrum, which crosses and strains can fall into.”

Trust your local dispensary worker; they know what they’re talking about and are surprisingly nonjudgmental.
I went with a Sativa variety that smelled like blueberries, and realized I had no idea what to do next. There are a bunch of ways to use cannabis: oral, topical, and inhalation all have their own use subcategories. After choosing a small, pink pipe I was thoroughly coached on how not to set my curtains on fire—which would disappoint my firefighter dad.

Now, it was time for the fun part, trying my new purchase. My friends thought this was hilarious; they’re veteran smokers. I made them all turn around while I fiddled with my lighter; my dad was adamant about not letting me play with fire, which made the first time a little tricky.

After my friends stopped laughing, and I let them turn around to help, I successfully hit my pink pipe and immediately felt the effects. And I immediately wanted Oreos. We watched Rick and Morty, which made me too nervous, then switched to HGTV which showed lush beaches and rich couples looking to buy expensive houses. I thoroughly enjoyed the serenity and looking at granite countertops while Stacy and Brett looked for their third home in Puerto Vallarta. And the Oreos were delicious.

Eventually I fell asleep and woke up 12 hours later, refreshed and thirsty. Getting high responsibly isn’t scary, and helped my muscle aches and pains, plus made TV much more awesome. The dispensary wasn’t super embarrassing, despite my face being bright red the entire time.

The demonization of pot has subsided significantly from its old media portrayal—and Raven was cancelled long ago. From this once-cannabis virgin, I would highly suggest grabbing some buds, and enjoying the luxury of legalization.