Canadian couple divorce to add 3rd person to relationship & why this is OK

In 2011, Canadians Adam Grant and Shayne Curran tied the knot. One year later, the couple divorced, not because the relationship was failing, but because it was growing. A year after Adam and Shayne married, they met Sebastian Tran at a nightclub. Immediately the three hit it off, and as the relationship grew the couple decided to divorce in order to include Sebastian.

The trio, who all work in the medical profession, now live together and are hoping to start a family someday – with help from Sebastian’s and Shayne’s sisters who will act as surrogates and egg donors. And although being married to more than one person is not legal in Canada, the trio say they have spoken lawyers who can draw up paperwork to make sure they are ‘equally bound and obligated to each other in the eyes of the law’.

“We’re the happiest we’ve ever been – all our dynamics and personalities work so well in a relationship. The three of us bring out the best in each other,” Sebastian told Daily Mail.

Since this story emerged, I’ve heard a multitude of differing opinions about this couple. Some say that it is beautiful. Some don’t understand these men. Some question their idea to use sisters to reproduce. Some are worried about how this is going to look for the LGBT community as a whole, which is the most concerning opinion I’ve heard surrounding this controversy.

Let me preface this commentary with a little personal information: I am gay. I love being gay. I love everything about being gay, from using Grindr, to admiring the bravery of every queer person, to tongue pops, to fighting for full equality. Basically, every blood cell that streams through my veins is screaming “YAAAASSSSS.”

So what exactly is the controversy here? One of the best parts about being queer is not conforming to “normal” relationship standards. I use the word “normal” in a very specific way. To the world, a “normal” relationship is one between a man and a woman. Luckily, over time, the LGBT community has become more prominent, changing that word to include same-sex couples. But that’s as far stretched as it gets.

Triads in the gay community are common. More so than a lot of people would like to think. These “abnormal” relationships are just as loving and legitimate as the love between one man and one woman, or two men, or two women. As long as each party is committed to the relationship, it shouldn’t concern anyone outside of the relationship. Isn’t that what we have been fighting for so many years?

By its very definition queer means strange or odd. And as part of the queer community, we have to embrace the things that are strange to us. We have to be accepting of love, no matter what form it comes in, or how many people it involves. To worry about how the outside, “normal” world sees us should be irrelevant.

We aren’t fighting for equality to conform to heterosexual views of how we should act. We are fighting to live our authentic queer lives, and still be treated like “normal” people.