Can You Paint With All The Colors of the Rainbow Flag?
IT’S NO SECRET THAT ALL colors on the rainbow flag aren’t given an equal level of treatment. Some would call it preference while others call it blatant racism. Rather than offer up another article about how ethnic minorities are cast aside and seen as undesirable in the gay community, I think it’s much more productive if I instead offer up my personal experience of what it’s like being a black gay man in Denver.
O’Brian Gunn
Sometimes It’s Not More than Skin Deep
Awkwardness was my main superpower when I was younger. I was acne-ridden, overweight, quiet, and coming to terms with my sexuality — all while living in the South, where we know all too well how popular minorities are. Fast forward to now, where my skin has cleared up, I’m getting in better shape, and have finally embraced the man I’ve become and the brown skin in which I journey through life. While I’ve gotten several compliments about my looks, there’s still a part of my old image that clings to my skin and won’t slough off no matter how much facial scrub I use.
When it comes to dating, I sometimes can’t help but wonder if the guy is only going out with me because of my skin color, because of my African-American physical features, or because he’s genuinely interested in me and everything else is either a bonus or something he’s willing to overlook.
I remember one date I went on where the guy couldn’t stop talking about how much he loved black men. While he might’ve had the impression he was flattering me, it only made the date more awkward than it already was. Would he have dismissed every notion of dating me if my skin had been a different color or shade? Did he even care whether we had anything in common when he agreed to go on a date? Would I have had any of these thoughts churning through my head if I were Caucasian?
Cut to the Ethnic Chase
Take a look at any Grindr, Scruff, or OKCupid profile and you’ll see that our potential suitors aren’t shy about telling us the ethnicities they prefer and those they don’t. Some have more class about it while others seem to go out of their way to be insulting to “everyone else.” I recently joined OKCupid, and sometimes I find myself seconds away from sending the guy a message until I see that he answered yes to the question: “Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color/racial background?”
While I understand this is simply to help narrow down potential partners, I can’t help but wonder what would happen if the guy were to find out the love of his life and every reincarnation of him is of a different ethnicity? Where is the line that divides idealistic from realistic?
Blackout and About
As far as my experiences as a gay black man out and about in Denver’s gay bars and clubs, I have to say they’ve been nothing but pleasant. While I’m not one to pick up a guy in a bar or club (that’s what the library and bookstores are for), my interactions with guys have been free of any indications of prejudice, and I’ve never been made to feel as though my company was unwanted. This hasn’t lulled me into thinking I have a chance with every gay guy out there or that my looks aren’t a factor when it comes to interacting with guys. It’s simply shown me that you can’t let what you’ve read and heard about prejudice in the gay community sully your experiences or expectations.
Everyone’s dating experience is different, no matter the color of your skin, your physique, or your overall appearance. What’s similar is that we all have the opportunity to realize the “standard” is just as fluid as sexuality.
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