Ask the Sexpert: Bringing a woman home to meet the kids

Dear Shanna —

I have two kids ages 7 and 12 from my previous marriage. I’m dating a fabulous woman but I’m not sure when to introduce her to my kids, and what term to introduce her as. Any thoughts?

Two Worlds Collide in Lakewood

Dear Two Worlds Collide,

Congrats on your new partner — not only finding someone you enjoy spending time with but being ready to bring her into the rest of your life.

You’ve put thought into this already and clearly aren’t looking to introduce a one-night-fling to your kiddos. That said, have you talked this over with the woman you’re dating? Bringing a new partner into your family is a big deal, so make sure she’s on board — she might be a great fit for you but not ready to be introduced to the mini-yous. Perhaps she’s ready to join your family unit in some way but wants a better idea of what that looks like, both now and in the long run. Get on the same page first.

You know your kids best, so you’ll know when and how to bring it up with them. Perhaps you want to talk to them separately, or maybe they’re best together. Talk to the woman you’re dating about what to introduce her as: do you already use the term girlfriend, partner, sweetie or something else? Do either of you have a preferred term?

Definitely think about what this means going forward, because your kids will likely want to know her role in their lives. Is she going to be sleeping over? Moving in? What does she want your kids to call her? How does this affect their relationship with your ex, if at all, and how is your ex going to handle this? Lots of questions, but better to think about them now than when two children are staring at you expectantly.

Best of luck!

Shanna