Breaking The Mold
About a year ago I left the highly gay-accepting West Hollywood and moved to Idaho. Minus the two or three gay bars in the state’s capitol of Boise, there was no real scene. No drag queens on the street, no one-stop shop for meeting other gay men. Over time, though, I met gay men in the area and rounded up some friends — other out-and-proud gay men like myself. It wasn’t until my new straight friends started asking me about my dating life and my gay friends that it dawned on me: Stereotypes are still pushed onto the gay community.
Too many times I’ve heard, “No, I know him — he’s not gay. He doesn’t act gay. Are you sure he’s gay?” In my mind I couldn’t help but think, Wow! It’s 2016! Gay people have existed for longer than there are years on the calendar. There’s no defining characteristic for being gay other than the desire to love someone of your own gender, and I’m pretty damn sure that characteristic isn’t visible to the naked eye.
I grew up playing soccer and tackle football before I took up skateboarding. My coming out came as a shock to some who really didn’t expect it, and the only reason they were shocked was due to their vision of how a gay person is supposed to act and be. Almost as if it’s impossible for me to like my own gender because I don’t carry certain character traits they assume all gay people have. When did we start making people justify their sexuality by the way the carry themselves on a day-to-day basis? What they’re passionate about, how they talk, how they walk, their favorite music, what they wear, and further, the perceived notion that the big, beefy, bearded neighbor who’s out chopping wood in front of his house couldn’t possibly be gay because he has masculine features.
A perfect example is when famous athletes come out and shock follows because being athletic is considered a masculine trait. Soccer, boxing, basketball, football — you name it and we play it. They’re coming out and shocking some fans who thought, “He can’t be gay! He doesn’t act gay.” Well, exactly how are we supposed to be acting? I ask because I want to make sure we fit into whatever “gay mold” it is that society’s made for us. Otherwise we’re going to have to keep breaking away the box that society has put us in by continuing to be individuals who come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and backgrounds. Some are masculine and some are feminine and we exist everywhere on the scale between the two. I can’t help but remember that age-old phrase, “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.”
