Boulder’s Big Gay Church Creates Space For LGBTQ Community Support and Healing

Like many queer and trans folks, Max Scarfone had a trying upbringing surrounding religion and theology. As the founder of Big Gay Church in Boulder, he’s used his experiences around queerness and faith to provide a safe haven for other community members looking to connect with one another and whatever higher power speaks to them.

Scarfone recounts his childhood, being born into a “cult-like situation,” with his dad acting as a group leader who “said he was God and we had to worship him, and that really messed with my mind,” he says.

As he began navigating adulthood, Scarfone knew he still had a connection to his faith and describes finding God on his own terms. 

“I got baptized in the ocean that I almost drowned in as a kid, and that was really liberating for me,” he says. After reconnecting with that part of himself, Scarfone decided to further embrace religion, becoming a Catholic teacher before navigating into worship leading.

Scarfone acted as a worship leader for a large church in Littleton. On the surface, it was great. He describes the incredible talent from the church band he led and everyone’s clear love for God, though it was different behind the scenes.

Alongside staff meetings centering how the church could sneakily extract money from congregants, he says that he also observed the way the church spoke about LGBTQ people. Scarfone, a trans man, was not out at this time, but he recognized the harmful messages, sometimes veiled in a more polite package. While the church said they were open and affirming, they still preached that being gay or trans is a sin.

He wrote out a letter of resignation to the church, which was eventually leaked to the rest of the congregation, outlining the reasons he could no longer be a part of it. While the church eventually dismantled, and Scarfone hasn’t been back in the eight years since he left, he cites that experience as showing him that he was finished with the “conventional way of worshiping God.”

“I was done with religion; I was done with everything that went into it, and I totally abandoned my belief in God,” Scarfone says. “And it took me a while, but I realized that God is what I make of it.”

After reconnecting to theology on his own terms, Scarfone got ordained online and decided to start his own church. Big Gay Church has services specifically aimed for LGBTQ people and allies, with the website describing it as a “non-religious organization that’s affirming to all.”

According to Scarfone, Big Gay Church is a community organization before it’s a church. It doesn’t follow any theology or specific religion, rather, “I describe it as, think Pride on every Sunday,” he says.

The services always begin with a meditation followed by some talking and live music, where attendees are invited to dance, sing, and do whatever they’d like, as well as a drag performance. Scarfone caps off each service with a speech about inclusivity and topics that might be pertinent to what the LGBTQ community is going through during that time.

So far, the services livestream online, though Big Gay Church is moving to live services in Broomfield in June and will continue its digital option. Scarfone says he’s also looking for a venue in Boulder to hold services in the future.

Even though he’s only been operating Big Gay Church for about a year, Scarfone says the reception has already been great. He’s also connected with a number of LGBTQ people dealing with their own religious trauma from their past. 

“It comes up a lot on TikTok, and people reach out to me about how their church made them feel, and I’ve just been trying to reassure them to come to my church because it’s kind of therapeutic to be a part of a church service that is nothing like church and that actually opens up and welcomes you,” Scarfone says.

He says, especially for queer and trans folks with religious trauma, it’s easy to wrongly internalize that one’s queerness or transness was a flaw or a mistake.

“That’s not it at all,” Scarfone says. “I think God makes us exactly who we’re supposed to be. I’m trans, and I’m supposed to go through what I’m supposed to go through to get to that place of healing.”

Scarfone stays busy with the new endeavor: The Big Gay Church band just recorded an album which will be performed during services. Scarfone also nods to a “tragic” musical he recently wrote about coming out and being gay while also tackling tough issues like gun violence. As he brings this up, he says it’s all connected to the potential for community connection at Big Gay Church and hopes it can open up another avenue of support.

“I’m getting emotional about the musical I wrote because I think it’s so needed right now, especially after the shooting in Boulder,” Scarfone says. “We really need to come together, and I thought providing an art form to do that would be a good idea.”

With the abundance of continued attacks on the LGBTQ community ever-present this year, along with the ongoing pandemic and collective trauma we’re all experiencing because of it, it’s crucial today to have shared spaces for people to process, celebrate, and gather together with one another. While it’s still in its infancy, Scarfone is excited for Big Gay Church’s next chapter.

“I just see Big Gay Church as a place to come when you need to recharge.”

While Big Gay Church has already been a healing space for its attendees, Scarfone affirms that the experience has also helped him to tend to his wounds of the past. 

“It’s been completely healing for me, helping others,” he says. “It helps me to heal, and I actually have a place to worship now, so that’s amazing. My relationship with God is as good as it ever has been.”

To learn more about Big Gay Church, visit biggaychurch.com and follow Scarfone on TikTok, @kerimaxscarfone.

Photos courtesy of Christopher Cleary