Benevolence – a gift given in kindness

One of the challenges surrounding benevolence is the multiple perceptions it holds by those who receive and benefit from it. If benevolence is accepted as a gift, it is a wonderful and uplifting experience for all involved. But if the beneficiary receives it as her or his due – as something owed by you or the Universe in general – it sours the whole process. I have been on both sides of this experience. I have been both kinds of beneficiaries. The latter is definitely preferable.

I became connected to an incredible woman a couple of months ago, through a mutual friend. It was one of those experiences where your heart begins to race – because as you are talking, you begin to realize that you have just met someone who is truly going to change your life.  Her name is Paula Langguth Ryan.

One of the things that I have learned from Paula is what a gift really is. When you give a gift, you give it with the intention of benevolence to whoever the recipient is.

If you are the recipient, it is your role to receive with gratitude and humility. If you are the giver, your role is to give it without requirements or strings. What happens to that gift, once is has been given, is no longer relevant.

As the recipient of a gift, it is your role to receive it humbly. I believe that you can manifest the things that you want in your life, but no one owes you anything. You are not obligated in any way by being the beneficiary of the gift either. You do not owe anyone anything for accepting this gift.

It is a challenging concept; in the conversations I have had, people often seem to believe that someone “owes” them something for whatever benevolence they’ve been shown. Tit for tat, 50-50, even-steven – these are all concepts of getting as “good” as you give.

When you are giving in order to receive, then the gift is hollow. It no longer has the significance that true benevolence has, and often leads to conflict or disappointment. The same is true for the recipient: If you believe the world and everyone in it owes you something because you exist and have survived life thus far, any gifts you receive will be perceived as your due, without pleasure.  Finally, what took you so long?

For a truly benevolent experience, the giver must give for the joy of giving and the recipient must receive with the joy of unplanned for abundance.  Why thank you what a wonderful gesture!

Another woman – who has herself been a real gift in my life – once told me that she believes the reason that I am the recipient of so many wonderful gifts is that I am grateful. She said, “Where gratitude goes, grace follows.” Thank you, incredibly powerful words indeed.

It is the small benevolences shown throughout the day that can really add up to a satisfying life of kindness. Let someone merge onto the highway in front of you (I am convinced that, except for an accident or construction, the failing of this is the cause for all traffic jams). Try holding the door and letting someone pass before you. Give your seat to someone on the bus who could use it more than you can – no age, no gender, and no parental categorizations.

When someone offers you her or his seat, take it and say thank you. When someone lets you merge onto her or his lane, give a wave of thanks. When somebody holds the door, smile and say thank you – or step back and say please, after you.

These examples are commonplace, but it can be expanded. What’s true for the little things is only more true for the big ones.

Consider being an everyday benefactor. You will be amazed at all that you are also given in the process. Accept, with grace and humility, the gifts that you are given. You will be amazed at all that you are given in the process there too.