Back to beginnings

A while back and fresh out of my second relationship, I felt excited to get back on the market. After the tumultuous work with my former partner, I had energy to get out and meet new people and perhaps even newer romantic interests.

A friend took me to Lip Gloss, a local club where the people were as eclectic as the music. The diversity and sexual ambiguity somehow made the guys even hotter. From across the room, I noticed a gentleman shooting some glances in my direction. I hadn’t flirted with anyone in quite some time. He had sexy, thick eyebrows (an odd attraction of mine) and an ultra-hip beard to match.

After a long game of darting eyes, we finally introduced ourselves. Zack, a Denver native, had excellent taste in music and a great sense of humor. We laughed as we made jokes and gasped at how many favorite bands we had in common. The two of us exchanged numbers and I couldn’t wait for our first date.

I missed Zack’s first phone call. From his message, he sounded eager for a date too. I tried to play it cool and wait a bit before calling him back. When I finally picked up the phone, I ended up getting his voicemail. I contemplated how awesome I should sound when I left my message after the beep and decided to go for the hip but slightly nerdy persona. I figured it went fairly well as I even stumbled over a bad pun to score extra points in the adorable category.

A few days had gone by and Zack hadn’t called me back. I really liked him and felt determined. I grabbed the phone and gave him another call. After getting his voicemail again, I decided to leave a more casual message instead of trying so hard. He still didn’t call back. I wondered if my adorably bad pun in the first message had actually cost me the date. I started second guessing myself and wondered if I wasn’t as witty or cool as I had originally thought.

Weeks later, I wound up at Lip Gloss again for some more good music and people watching. Among the people was Zack. Our eyes met again but this time his shot away quicker and didn’t return for second glances. He turned his back to me as he talked to his friends indicating that a subsequent meeting was not in our future. My self esteem officially took a nose dive. I wasn’t cool. I was a loser who couldn’t get a date with a guy who seemed perfect for me.

This wasn’t the only man I would have instant connections with that would lead to awkward cold shoulders. The dating scene was a ruthless bitch – something I hadn’t quite remembered when I used to drink more. Eventually life began giving me lessons that seemed more important than chasing after boys who didn’t chase back.

Years into my next relationship with a man who I thought was truly perfect for me, I had mostly forgotten about the ghosts of my dating past. Until one day, while at church with my beloved beau, I saw Zack once again from across the room. Unsure if he saw me, I decided to ignore him as I didn’t even know if he would remember me.

Just as church began teaching me about the value of grace, I got a friend request on Facebook from Zack. I approved it but didn’t write anything to him as I wanted to keep the past in the past. Eventually he wrote me a long and honest message in regards to feeling bad about how he acted when we met; explaining that life wasn’t going so easy on him back then.

As I contemplated about writing him back, I could not decide if I wanted to lie and say that I barely remembered him (the bitchy thing to do) or have the same honesty he now did (the humiliating thing to do). While figuring out this conundrum, I realized that from the start, I should have been angry at myself rather than with Zack. It was my fault that I had placed him on such a pedestal just after one meeting. It was my fault for assuming his actions were about me instead of actually being about him. And it was my fault for letting it all determine my self-worth.

Humility ended up being the right response on Facebook. I thanked him for the apology but confessed my own adolescent actions in the scenario too. The honesty of our new conversation led both of us to open up about the dark paths traveled in our lives and ironically we had more in common after six years than when we originally met.

Zack eventually suggested going on that date after all. However, this time the intention was not for romance but instead for camaraderie. He didn’t ignore the past like I had wanted and because of that we got to go back to the beginning and start over. We created a new friendship that served us both better than a romantic one probably ever would have.

From a place of real human vulnerability, the two of us were a reminder to each other of the weird ways that people come and go in our lives and how life always offers up a second chance, even if that second chance is for friendship.