Ask the Sexpert: How to keep sex drive going strong during pregnancy

Dear Shanna, 

My partner and I have decided to try in vitro fertilization to have a child. I’m having to have a variety of injections and monitor my cycle, and it has definitely started to affect my sex drive. How can we keep the loving happening while still working hard to become pregnant?

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Dear Mommies to be,

First of all, a huge congrats to you and your partner in beginning this adventure together!

Regardless of the method couples use to get pregnant, many couples wind up with disparities in sex drive and a decline in the frequency of sex during the process. Why? Because they tend to stress themselves out so much while they are trying to get pregnant that all other things fall to the wayside. When we are stressed, our bodies can go into fight-or-flight mode, with less energy left over to put toward feeling sexual.

Make sure you schedule some time to take good care of each other. It doesn’t have to be the sex you’re used to having, but at least put aside some time for an enjoyable and sensual massage for one another. Make an effort to spend time together where you don’t talk about the process, or about getting pregnant. Establish sexy time that does not involve giving injections or taking your basal temperature. When you only talk about sex or your bodies when in reference to pregnancy, you’re sending each other messages that sex is off the table – be conscious about putting it back.

Lastly, orgasms can help facilitate pregnancy. In general, the Os (the opening of the cervix) makes an opening and closing action during orgasm that can help sperm progress through the vaginal canal. Beyond that, orgasms make you feel good and relaxed, and that can help your body move out of the fight-or-flight mode of stress, and back to a relaxed state. Less stress can make it easier to get pregnant, so schedule time for massages and/or orgasms, and you may be mommies sooner than later. ]