Ask the Sexpert: Goo in the boo

Dear Shanna, 

When I watch porn, the guys frequently use spit before penetrating each other anally. My boyfriend and I have tried this, but it is still a little painful. Does spitting actually accomplish anything? Any suggestions on how to make it hurt less?

– K. J. in Aurora

K.J. –

While for some people, spit is all they need to really get things going in the behind, most people (including a large majority of porn stars) need something more to keep things wet, wild, and wonderful. Yep, that’s right; LUBE. Although you might not see it in action during porn, many porn stars lube up in between scenes, and/or use lube suppositories to make sure they have enough delicious wetness to keep that backdoor action from hurting anyone. If you’re just using body parts (or glass or metal toys), silicone lube is nice and slick, and lasts forever. Otherwise, there are some great water based lubes (Maximus is my number one recommendation for anal play time) that allow sex to feel slicker while still maintaining that feeling of … anal awesomeness. If your water-based lube starts to dry up, spit can actually be a great way to re-activate it (rather than adding more lube, and letting things get a little too sticky and goopy, as is wont to happen).

However, keep in mind that slickness is not the only important ingredient for pain-free anal sex. Make sure both partners are relaxed, into it, properly warmed up/turned on, and that the person providing penetration is taking it slow. Some people require more time to work up to anal action, and others wind up not liking it in the long run. Not liking anal is not an issue; there are tons of other things you can try, but if you do want to push forward (pun intended), add some lube, some epic foreplay and take a few deep breaths to really optimize your anal experience.