Ask the sexpert: Can bisexuals be monogamous?

Dear Shanna:

I “came out” last summer and had a good and wild time exploring my sexuality with women. At my core, I have always known that I love the pleasure of men too. Well, my question really is, how do bi-women deal with being with a man in a monogamous relationship and never go back to being with women? Is it simply a matter of choice, conviction, commitment? I just wonder if anyone struggles with this and how do you deal with it?

– Bi In the Long Run?, Littleton, CO

BILR –

The question about bisexual folks (of all genders) and them in monogamous relationships is one that comes up on a fairly regular basis. In my experience, the deal is that bisexual folks are not any more likely to cheat or wonderful about being in a different relationship than anyone else in a monogamous relationship. You can be a straight person in a monogamous relationship, and still wonder what it would be like to sleep with someone else, or fantasize about Johnny Depp. You can be a lesbian or gay guy in a monogamous relationship, and still wonder if perhaps there are other fish in the sea.

So while there may be that question of “what if” or “ I wonder what it would be like to be with ____ gender folks,” I don’t think that wanderlust is unique to bisexual folks.

Congrats on coming out, and best of luck in your adventures!

– Shanna

Have a question you’d like to ask Shanna (anonymously)? Email shannakatz@gmail.com.