Ask the Sexpert: Come on!

Dear Shanna,

What’s the big deal with dudes wanting to cum on their partners? Is this a cultural thing, something created by the porn industry, or do people actually like it?

Uneager for Ejaculate, Denver.

Dear Uneager for Ejaculate,

To cum … or not to cum. That is the question. Actually, the question is more of WHERE to cum or ejaculate, rather than whether or not to do it. Good question.

Firstly, not all guys (straight, gay, bi, or queer) enjoy ejaculating on their partners. Everyone has their own preferences — some folks like to be inside one of the many orifices that may be available, while others are all about the love in a glove, and only ejaculate inside condoms. Still, others have their own dedicate towel or rag that serves no other purpose than to act as a semen receptacle; a cum rag or cum cloth, if you will. Some prefer to do it inside their partner, and/or inside a condom. Of course, there are others who like to climax all over themselves, leaving their partner out of the equation. It simply depends on the guy you’re talking about.

In mainstream, heterosexual-focused pornography, the “cum shot” (the straight-appearing dude ejaculating all over some combination of the woman’s chest, face, butt, back, etc.) has become extremely run of the mill in most movies, and this means it’s become popular in many facets of culture (including a presence in songs). That being said, the actual act of climaxing on someone else’s face/chest/butt/etc. doesn’t inherently change the sensation of ejaculation. What does that mean? If someone wants to have hot cum spurted out all over their body, then power to them and they should celebrate that delicious concoction. More importantly, they should let their partner know that this activity turns them on and that they’d like to have that done to them. On the other hand, if someone is not into having cum on their body, they should also have a little chat with their partner and explain that they are not into this activity. Then the partner will know they would prefer for them to ejaculate elsewhere, and can then do just that.

Reminder: These are the types of conversations that should definitely happen before sexual play gets going, so there is no confusion at the moment of no return as to where the penis should be pointing in order to meet everyone’s wants and needs.

Best of luck!

Shanna