‘And Miles Makes Three:’ having a child changes everything

By Sara Decker

Twenty-six hours was all it took. That’s 26 hours of labor, after months of planning, dozens of trips to the fertility clinic, nine months of pregnancy, plus our wedding, engagement and three years of dating. Miles Joseph Decker was finally here, and transformed my partner Alicia and I from a couple to a family.

Truthfully, my first thought when Miles was born was “Why is his head shaped like that?” (After 26 hours in the birth canal – followed by a caesarian section – his little head was mashed into a cone, which the doctors assured me is normal). That was followed by, “Is Alicia OK?” Alicia asked me, doped up on anesthesia and with chords and monitors protruding from her like a VCR, if she was dying. I said no.

It was a delirium of sleep deprivation, anxiety and stress, lack of food for more than a day and the emotional rush of watching the love of my life bring life into the world. But my next memory is something I’ll never forget: As the nurse tenderly set Miles on the warming table, I extended my finger. His tiny, wrinkly, newborn hand wrapped around it. My heart melted – I was a mommy.

Every day the alarm rings at 5 a.m. and I recall that tiny finger grasping mine. It helps me get out of bed just hours after one of us was last up tending to Miles. Parenting is the most physically, emotionally and financially demanding job I have ever had.

Once we’re up with the chirping birds, I’m hoping Miles sleeps for just a little bit longer so Alicia and I can at least get showered without interruption. Then we run downstairs, clean the bottles, get his diaper bag ready, wake him up, change his diaper, feed him his bottle, get our lunches ready, eat breakfast, play with him, get dressed and put our makeup on, change his diaper again, get him dressed for daycare, and juggle him downstairs in one hand, work bag and diaper bag in the other – in heels of course – and drive him to daycare so our “work” day can really start.

After we’re done with our 8-plus hours at our paying jobs, we pick Miles up from daycare and start a routine that mirrors our mornings. Diaper change, clean his bottles, feed him, play with him, bathe him and put him to bed.

Alicia and I may feel like it’s groundhog day every day – but it’s worth it. It’s worth it when Miles’ face lights up with excitement whenever one of us walk into the room. It’s worth it when he’s smiling at first sight of us in the morning, and when he giggles with excitement when he sees the water running for his bath. It’s worth it when I’m rocking him to sleep and he buries his head into my chest. It’s worth it when he takes a cat-nap in my arms – and with that innocent, helpless, gummy grin.

Babies are helpless – they couldn’t survive without us, but we know we couldn’t survive without Miles. Babies are dependent on us for survival, and we need them to remind us to see the joy in every little thing, so we don’t get bogged down in the day-to-day.

Days ago I perused the Web eating my lunch – the first thing moms must learn is to multitask – and came across the story of a baby girl, Avery, who had an incurable genetic disease. Her parents had started a blog for her: ‘Avery’s Bucket List’ of things she’d get to do in her tragically limited lifespan. A few musts on her list were: To party like a rockstar, play with a pinwheel, wake up smiling and have a bad hair day.

The story hit home. Avery had just passed away on April 30. Avery was 7 months old – Miles’ age. Nothing puts life into perspective like death. Suddenly I questioned everything – did I spend my mornings complaining? Was I bitching about the 900 things I had to do each day? Does any of that matter? Miles is healthy. Alicia and I are healthy and the three of us are happy. It made me realize just how lucky I am to have my little family, and how deep my love for our son runs.

A parent’s love for a child is incomprehensible until you become a parent. It’s the best, busiest, most exhausting job we’ve ever had, but we’re so grateful Miles is ours – every day we smile more because of him.

Sara Decker is Out Front Colorado’s assistant art director.