An ode to Sporty Spice

I love women – all women – but I have a true affinity for sporty girls.

I have always dated jocks. When I was “pretend-a-straight” I dated football players, basketball players and even a polo player for about eight hours after too much sun and champagne.

When I started dating women, I was thrilled. Female athletes are hot; their shoulders are beautiful and strong, but their female forms make them truly graceful no matter what sport they play. My first big admitted lesbian crushes were volleyball player Gabrielle Reece and track star Marion Jones, both Olympic gold medal winners. They were so beautiful to look at and to watch move.

It took me several tries and 17 years before I actually developed a relationship with a girl jock. Parts of it felt exactly the same – jocks are jocks. But the great part is that I love sports, so now I don’t have to only pretend to like something “lesbian,” like folk music. Plus, she’s got great shoulders.

When I was young I often watched sports with my father. At the time I was a baton-twirling cheerleader, so I didn’t notice the games much – just the cheerleaders.

I’d say I am athletic; I was a member of a professional dance company in high school, play tennis and golf – sort of – and I’ve run two marathons. But I’m not an athlete. And I don’t have that sexy swagger that sporty girls have, with their guy’s walk and girl’s wiggle.

Though I don’t play team sports, I do like to dress sporty. This is completely acceptable to sporty girls; when you’re out together, they feel like you’re on a team. If your girl suddenly decides she wants to go for a walk, no worries, you already have the right shoes on. A sporty girl’s friends are usually sporty too, so I fit in. Though sometimes it’s fun to be the only girl in heels, so when everyone else is being sporty – meaning, in this case, all sweaty and dirty – I look the best.

One of my favorite things about athletes is their stamina. I have great admiration for a woman with stamina, snide sexual thoughts aside. I have stamina when I’m shopping; my mother and I are hardcore flea market shoppers, and I literally grew up at the mall. But I can barely hang as a spectator at the end of softball season to make the banquet at Charlie’s. I couldn’t imagine being on one of the teams in the championship game.

It takes a great deal of stamina to make it to the end of the season. And, I figure, if they can hold on that long for a trophy and bragging rights, then they can hang in there for something really important, like when we go to the fifth store looking for the perfect pair of shoes for my dress.

In addition to stamina, athletes take direction well. They are used to the “coach” mentality. So they like it when someone has a game plan and they can execute it. In other words, you can tell them what to do and they’ll do it. It’s great for someone as bossy as I am.

Not everyone thinks that sporty girls are great. In Bend It Like Beckham, one of the players’ mother exclaimed, “Why do you want to be a footballer? Look at Sporty Spice, you never see her with a boyfriend.”

But the mother is wrong. Her daughter has a girlfriend in the stands, cheering the loudest for her sporty girl.
So, here’s to you sporty girls. I’ll carry your trophy any time.