10 ways to increase your chances of connecting

This time of year signifies the end of 2011 and all of our hopes for an amazing 2012. Maybe some of you are thinking about a new year’s resolution of challenging yourself to be more social. I am going to give you some of my top techniques to assist you in improving your chances to connect.

10. Don’t look desperate or too intense.Desperation is the nasty step-sister of low self-esteem and can be detected from across a room before the first word is uttered. Similarly, looking too intense can also keep someone from approaching you. Staring someone down doesn’t show interest; it shows obsession and it’s creepy.

9. It’s not a failure if you don’t get laid. Although this might be your primary purpose for approaching someone, realize that it may or may not happen. Hopefully there is something else that intrigues you about the person in case the sex just doesn’t happen.

8. There isn’t a bad place to flirt. Where ever you go, there are usually opportunities to work on eye contact, smiling and maybe even some small talk. The world is your training ground. Until you become an expert, practice will hopefully make perfect. Try flirting at the grocery store or movie theatre.

7. You don’t have to move in for the kill. Sometimes playing it cool is a great option.  You don’t always have to approach people and talk to them. Flirting can be a great way to have a little history with someone before you meet. The trick is to move from the non-verbal checking out to actually meeting them eventually.

6. Maintain eye contact. Stop letting your discomfort lead you to look away too soon after you have locked eyes with someone. If you immediately look away, it shows a lack of self-confidence or interest in the other person. Maintaining eye contact for a few seconds gives you an opportunity to show that you are assertive.

5. Do not use overt sexual gestures or language. Seriously? Stick your tongue back in your mouth, get your hand off your crotch and quit pinching your nipples. Go talk to him. When you do, don’t start with how much you want to lick his tattoo or squeeze his perfect butt.

4. Pickup lines are lame. So they can be kinda cute sometimes, but the other 99 percent of the time, they are just pointless and will most likely make others retract from conversation. Work on developing some icebreakers, but don’t use the same one all the time. And honestly, a simple introduction works well too.

3. Set yourself up for future encounters. Sometimes your initial meeting with a new person is just a setup to do something else later. Maybe it’s coffee next week or future conversation at another event. Friendships can develop over time, so don’t think that you need to make concrete plans during your first encounter with someone. Relax and enjoy getting to know him.

2. Sometimes you have to be uncomfortable. Especially when you are trying to learn something new. You won’t always look graceful in your execution or feel terribly comfortable doing it.  Remember how awkward you felt when you were learning how to ride a bike? Don’t be surprised when anxiety rises when you enter a new place or approach someone cute for the first time. It’s OK to feel this, but don’t let it take over your initiative to talk to someone.

1. Don’t turn yourself down before he can. This is single handedly the biggest mistake many of us make. Just remember that you probably are not psychic and don’t know how someone will respond to you. Don’t talk yourself out of talking to someone just because you find them ridiculously good looking. He is not too hot to approach.  Do not act like a jackass just because he is attractive. Just talk to him, but feel free to reference the other items in the list above.

Happy connecting in the new year!